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Monday, August 8, 2011

"Sister Wives" - Let's talk about dating

I have 4 children, raised 2 foster children, and ½ raised a couple of others. We gave endless dating talks to teens that came to my home, etc.
My belief is that is a case by case thing.  All my kids were, by the time they were 14, hanging in groups to our house to watch a movie after a game, or coming over after church for some supper, etc. They all got the “lecture”, but I found the less of a big deal I made, the better off we were. Shockingly, the one I would of thought would NEVER date, likes a little girl at 11. 11! She would come to our house and hang out until her mom got off work. I was shocked, but, let it play out, and at nearly 16, he’s never asked again. If I had prevented this, he would have rebelled. I learned that from kid #1, or as we called her "Case study #1." Kody called Garrison “weird and sick” to like girls his age. Is that sending a message to him? What were your dating “rules”. At 16, it’s time to let them out at least until 11pm, I say. We’re ballgame folks, so that doesn’t leave much time. We were blessed to have a hangout home. I’ve got 6 here right now, (2 of mine are already married and long gone). What are your thoughts on dating- and are the brown’s going over board? 

Kody seems to thing it's courtship or nothing. When he asks Meri what she thinks, Robyn butts in for the second time. Curious, she talks but Christine, who has kids this age, doesn't get to.
Watch and give us you opinions about dating.


  1. There is no sex before marriage in Islam. period.
    That is the reason parents do not allow dating. Otherwise dating is ok. My son is engaged to marry. They talk on the phone constantly. However, they do not date.

    They will marry in about a year or so. Maybe sooner. But, they will not have sex before marriage.

    Quran: 25:68 And those who do not call on any other god with God; nor do they take the life which God has made forbidden, except in justice; nor do they commit adultery. And whoever does will receive the punishment.

    Quran: 24:33 And let those who are not able to marry continue to be chaste

  2. And that is a good thing, no sex.
    but, how do they really know each other if they can't get out and have some fun together?
    Know each others personalities?
    I'm not saying it's wrong, but in our society, you really need to KNOW someone before marriage.

  3. Oh boy, so much to comment on. So I will do it in point form.
    * We live in a world where the genders mix: at work, school, shopping, etc. We have to teach them how to mix appropriately, and how to treat prospective partners.
    * In my personal experience, those who never date tend to see everyone of the opposite sex as a potential romantic partner and have more difficulty relating to the opposite gender in daily life as non-romantic partners. YMMV, but this is what I have seen.
    * Dating does not automatically equal sex. People can have standards and values of no pre-marital sex and still date.
    * If kids want to have pre-marital sex, prohibiting dating will not stop them and may make them even more curious. Better to teach them how to behave with integrity and explain the dangers of having sex before you are ready.
    * Our kids always had to introduce us to their dates in person - no exceptions. Tended to scare off those up to no good.
    * We had age-appropriate curfews (no, not 1 am)and there were consequences for curfew violations. I still maintain that NOTHING good happens outside this house after midnight.
    * They knew about the birds and the bees and that they had worth as human beings simply by "being".
    * We constantly reassured them that they did not have to look to another person to validate their worth or specialness in any way and that pressure to do something they were uncomfortable with meant the other person had problems that they probably did not want to be involved with.
    *We also reassured them that we would not judge if they needed to tell us something involving emotions or safety, that we would always provide a safe ride home and a calm atmosphere for them or their friends to discuss a scary situation and that we would help them access help. Yes, I have called a rape crisis centre to help a teenaged girl access services. That was not dating; that was rape.
    * We encouraged group outings - and checked bags. We spot checked to ensure that people were going where they said they were going and had arrived where they said they would be. The kids knew we would spot check in direct proportion to their trustworthiness.
    * I like group dating; it tends to discourage things happening "too soon" or things happening that someone is not ready for.
    * Honestly, we were more concerned with temptations concerning substance use and criminal activity.
    * We trusted that we had imparted our values to our kids and, at some point, they had free agency.
    * We also trusted ourselves and that we could deal with whatever might happen. Some parents who control or prohibit dating do not trust how they will react if something were to happen that they would not like.

  4. Very good, all above!
    I found that since we live in a small town, it was easier for us than say, some of you. I knew every kid they dated practically since birth, knew the families, etc. Make a BIG difference. I don't think you can stop kids-too strict and you are going to add to the curiosity. We luckily, too only had good experiences. I was raised the opposite and tried to validate myself with having that boyfriend, so I know what your saying.
    To us, we were pretty lucky, the one boy I didn't like, she was 15 and and he was also, so it extended basically to our house only. WHEW, I'm glad she moved on, too. moms are right.
    For KODY to say, that sick and disgusting is wrong to Garrison. I was an aide in 2nd grade, and they had love matches galore! It was kinda cute.
    Often, a nice boyfriend/girlfriend is much safer than out running around. Just my 2cents.

  5. And why is Robyn an expert on Dating?

  6. americanmuslimah - Does you son see her at church, etc.?

  7. What I was thinking too Sissy. I hate how she just pipes up all the time now but especially on the topic of dating.

    According to her twitter she just took a trip. She is due in October right? That is right around the corner. I wonder if they know the baby's gender and if they have picked names yet.

  8. and why is Robyn the one threatening the discipline if their dating isn't moral? i love how Kody was the only one who agreed with her "single dating only at 18 for courtship." ugh that so sounds like you're expected to be dating for marriage only at 18. no fun!

    plus, i want to ask Robyn, "and how did that work out for ya?" snark

  9. americanmuslimah
    Muslims might have the right idea, and Kody, courtship only.

  10. AmericanMuslimah I visited your blog but I do not have an ID to post with and I did not see an option for anonymous posting so I hope you see this:

    Happy Birthday and Happy Holiday! Your banana whip treat sounded delicious!

    Great comment here, too.

  11. Robyn confirmed over Twitter tonight that they are indeed working with Mona

    FlyFlip1 Fly Flip
    @LuvgvsUwngs You didn't tell us this!!! TMIRealty Mona Brown-Riekki Kody Brown and wives joining TMI Realty! How Exciting!!!
    7 Aug

    FlyFlip1 Fly Flip
    @FlyFlip1 @LuvgvsUwngs Are you excited, Mona tweeted it!
    1 hour ago
    in reply to ↑

    Robyn Sullivan Brown
    @FlyFlip1 yes I am! Mona is so great and I can't wait to work with her!
    1 hour ago via

  12. What a donkey Kody is. Before Robin they wanted the kids to marry for love. How can they do that if they cannot look around?

  13. 1:36 and you beat me to twitter!LOL getting ready to post it.
    I agree w/Annonymous- Kody was cool with logan dating, um, until Robyn piped in.

  14. Pj- funny he was fine when Logan had ALREADY dated, then asked when it was good to date, and changed his tune when ROBYN stepped in.
    I'm miffed what he said to Garrison! Isn't anyone else?

  15. I heard it!
    Calling your kid
    "weird" cause he likes girls in elementary school?
    That's sad. There's puppy love everywhere. HEY, even a Mormon sang a song about it!LOL

  16. What I a getting very tired of is these clips, or even the show, where they title it something like
    "Let's talk about dating" and then never get to a bottom line, a real point, it's always a bunch of nothing.
    They didn't even decide WHEN. They jabber and say nada.

  17. Terrasola said it all! I know it was scary with some of mine, and yes, I did bad and read my daughters notes, but, it let me know things were ok. I know it's wrong, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I found boys easier to raise than girls.

  18. americanmuslimah- you will have to be our helper when we get into the show "All American Muslim".

    I think that what the Brown's are saying is date to marry. Heck, by then, they'd be dying to get married@!

  19. LOL @ ROBRO and her "they'll be keeping it clean..."

    You mean clean like pinning a married man against the wall, around the corner, fulling knowing the camera will capture a heartbreaking moment for another wife who is in the delivery room at the hospital, and kissing him prior to marriage when it was one of the rules (unwritten but commonly known?) stipulated in courting to keep things "clean" until marriage?

    The Brown's always make a note that Robro's courtship with Kody was unusually long for a polygamy family taking in a new wife, but they never really gave clear reasons did they other than her living far away?

    Love the comments especially the one that points out how TLC keeps the Brown's relevant with these video clips that never really give an answer. Then again, with the Brown's Sisterwives show, I am used to not getting answered. Two seasons of bait on a hook with no explanations. When pinned, they simply say we don't discuss religion or some flippant generalized response straight out of a polygamy handbook, heard times over via other polygamist.

    This blog is great, a real Wizard of Oz moment. Who is that man behind the curtain?

    The more we read, the more we learn!

  20. Robyn really grates on me in this clip. She may be the "new mom" in the family, but really, she hasn't known the kids, especially the teenagers, nearly as long as the other wives. She hasn't raised them and more than just being rude interupting the others, she seems really out of place and clueless.

  21. Me too, girl2!!
    Anonymous, HYSTERICAL!@@@@ OZ!!!!!
    Annony- she moved in Sept. so she was there for 9 months, paying the bills on the big house, ya know, while on welfare. lol
    I'm repeating myself from post 1 but I don't care, it peeves me off.

    They act like their kids Chasity is of some great importance.
    Yet, no dating, just jump into these situations!

    Seems odd in yesterday's video, they were all a-klempt about the kids dating, but, if a daughter becomes wife 3 at 19, that's OK. A son have 5 by 25, that's cool. No, it is not, it's adultery, plain and simple. The man that started this religion was a sick, cult obsessed, sex addict, so pretend what they want.
    Heck, they just want them to hold off so they'll be SO EAGER to get married, they'll do the cult thing.
    Am I the only one that sees it?

  22. I love the kids. I have noticed that Robyn's kids are shown much more than Christine's or Janelle's little ones, always hanging on Kody.

  23. Hey! Lets do this all american muslim. I think that is a good idea. As for my son and his girl at church/musjid. No! They don't but only because she is still in syria and he is here. We had to bring him back because of all the trouble in syria. They are working on her paper work now. They do however touch by hugs and holding hands. For now they just talk almost constantly on phone. Thanks for the happy birthday. You guys are ok. I enjoy coming here. The criticism is even sweet enough to swallow.

  24. Patricia,
    I pray for the safety and well-being of your soon-to-be daughter-in-law and hope that she gets over here safely. I respect your views, whether we believe the same thing or not; I especially respect that you have the courage to live them. So many people do one thing and say another. You have integrity.

  25. We still see kids of other gender at school. The parents said that we could group date for the first time and if we like someone enough, who we have already gone on a friend date with, we can go with them another time alone. It also depends on maturity for our family. Some of us have had boyfriends/girlfriends but it was never really that serious. I have guy friends but I don't know anyone right now that I would like to date. None of the kids do. We want to date but we want to date the right person so we don't get ourselves in a bad situation. For our family it really is a case by case situation. Some of us can date now and others can't. It depends on responsibility and maturity. We can all go out with our friends even if they are opposite gender. Our parents just want to meet them first.

  26. We are going to do the show SISTER WIVES, and when it is over, in NOV comes ALL AMERICAN MUSLIM, and we will be doing that, too! You Muslim Ladies will have to be special correspondents!