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Friday, November 25, 2011

Makes you Think... Kody Brown Family and Time spent with children

Terrasola sent this to me ... to post for her, I guess our blog has been acting up (well, actually BLOGGER has)
I thought it was interesting and worthy of it's own post!

If  Kody spends equal time with each wife (i.e. 1 night in 4, or 25%, with each wife and their children), this is how much time, theoretically, he has for each of his children:

1. Meri's Child (Mariah) 1 = 25%

2. Janelle's Children (Logan, Madison, Hunter, Garrison, Gabriel, Savanah) 6 = 4.2%
3. Christine's Children (Aspyn, Mykelti, Paedon, Gwendlyn, Ysabel, Truely) 6 = 4.2%
4. Robyn's Children (David Jr. [AKA Dayton], Aurora, Breanna, Solomon) 4 = 6.25%


If Kody spends more time with his newest wife, Robyn, as many people speculate that he does (for example: Let's say he spends 2 nights out of every 5, or 40%, with Robyn and her children and 3 nights out of 5, or 20% each, with the other 3 wives and their children), this is how much time, theoretically, he has for each of his children:

1. Meri's Child (Mariah) 1 = 20%

2. Janelle's Children (Logan, Madison, Hunter, Garrison, Gabriel, Savanah) 6 =  3.3%
3. Christine's Children (Aspyn, Mykelti, Paedon, Gwendlyn, Ysabel, Truely) 6 =  3.3%
4. Robyn's Children (David Jr. [AKA Dayton], Aurora, Breanna, Solomon) 4 = 10%

It is clear to me why Mariah holds the opinions that she does about polygamy and large families; as many posters have said, she has been insulated from the inequity and she benefits from "the math".  It is equally clear to me why Madison and Hunter feel as they do; they are on the receiving end of the inequity.


  1. I think Mariah loves the fact that she grew up with lots of brothers and sisters. Having been the only child of one of the moms has given her lots of one on one time with her mom and possibly dad while also being able to enjoy having brothers and sisters and that's why she wants to be a sister wife. I don't think she understands romantic love and all the feelings that involves when you have to share someone.

  2. Not to mention that when Kody is with some of the moms, especially Robyn, I'm sure that she takes most of his time for herself, so it's even more divided. On that episode when Kody was with each of the wives, when he was with Meri, they brought along Mariah, so she got real quality time. Christine's kids had to spend their night going out to eat with all of the siblings, so they got no real quality time.

  3. here's another piece of math: in one episode the wives smugly tell us that they don't have to set money aside for babysitters because of the extra moms........Except that they are feeding and clothing and housing 5 adults in addtion to the children, and of those 5 adults, before they ran off to Las Vegas, only 2 were contributing to the bills!!!!!!!!! (I think Meri wasn't earning enough to contribute in any big way. And can you imagine the water bill alone? All those showers, the toilet flushing, etc?)

  4. I think Mariah picks up on how lonely Meri feels plus she sees the other half-siblings with all their siblings and wants the "big" family too. She is misguided to think polygamy is the answer to that unfortunately.

  5. THANK YOU!!! This is what I cannot stand about the situation. Children, teens, PEOPLE, remember those intimate moments and they really do have an impact.
    We all know Kody does not even spend that small amount of time alone with each child. We're all pretty sure that if he spends time with them, it's with more than one child for sure, if not three or four. This, to me, just sucks. Who wouldn't want dad to take them to a ball game, fishing, or just anywhere where it's just that child and dad?

    And I didn't even think about that influencing Mariah's thoughts and opinions but that completely makes sense! To her, it's working but that is because her situation is favorable in this polyg family. You are so right!

  6. Have you seen this?


  7. I get so disgusted with these people. Does Kody EVER do any house work? Does he ever help one of his kids with their homework? These woman are basically single moms, depending on the older kids helping raise the little ones, while Kody is off having his "special" night with one of the other women. It's sooooo stupid. I loved the last episode when all the wives went to the strip to have a good time, who watched the kids??? the older kids, not Kody who was ticked and basically said all the kids were driving him nuts. I feel bad for the kids that they have to take care of the parenting while Kody is off having whichever wife he is with that night, pampering him, gag!!!!

  8. When people say polygamy "doesn't hurt anyone" I want them to think of this.

  9. OK I don't know if this really fits here but I want some feedback on this. Considering percentages.... in this case it is time Kody spends with his children. What I can't wait to see is when Janelle the money manager realizes that Kody (under new wife Robyn's bad influence)is spending more money frivolously. I can't wait until the other wives, (especially Meri who seems like she has chosen Robyn to be her BFF wife)that Robyn has brought a huge debt and spending problem to the marriage. I don't believe Robyn ever got help for her spending and now, as she seems to have the most influence on Kody, even LESS money will be saved for the children. ie Those watches Kody bought for Christine that ONLY Robyn knew about.... Something still stinks like fish to me about that. It was like Kody was buying Christine off for something with them. Like maybe Kody spending MORE time with Robyn and less time with Christine and new baby Truly caused obvious strife between the women and Robyn was the ONE who whispered into Kody's ear about buying a "special" gift to appease Christine. It's not like Christine even NEEDED the watches. Christine SAID in that clip that she already BROUGHT her OTHER watches. And that LOOK on Janelle and Meri's face told the truth.

    Yep I can't wait until Meri, Janelle, AND Christine realize Kody's spending percentage change since he brought in Robyn.

  10. I agree with your analysis and breakdown. The math makes sense.

    It is totally logical why Mariah would feel that this is a "happy" way of life and why the children from the larger families wouldn't like it.

    I agree with the poster who said that Mariah got the best of both worlds, she has brothers and sisters, but she also has quality alone time with just her Mother and Father. I believe that her view of this way of life is somewhat skewed.

    Plus, as far as we know, Mariah hasn't really fallen in love with a guy. Wait until you fall head over heels in love, want to breathe the same air as him - THEN the idea of sharing him and only having him 1/2, 1/3 or 1/4 of the time will probably not be so appealing.

    The idea of another woman announcing that she's carrying his baby when he just spent last night with you would make any woman sick, I imagine, even though they are supposedly so supportive about it - blah blah. I think it is emotional abuse covered up with some made up scripture to support it.

    I believe in The Bible, but not the book of morman or any other book.

  11. I agree that Mariah definitely has been accorded a very unique position in the normal world of polygamy. Maybe the only polygamous child that has always had her own separate living quarters as an only child of a sister wife.

    Also, remember Meri herself had several "bonus" moms as well as direct sibling to live with and she DID NOT initially want to pursue polygamy. BUT because she fell head over heels in love with Kody and that's what HE wanted to pursue, she caved and agreed to it before they tied the knot. She is STILL saying that she would not have chosen it if it' wasn't their belief system. Not a very good selling point based on her 20 years of plyg marriage under her belt.

  12. Terrasola has great math skills :D ...so true & great observations!! I would wonder what kinda of snarky remarks we'll get from the Brown's themselves or the fan's...lol I'm sure someone from their crew reads SWB time to time ;D ...BTW, I've been wondering does the KBF have an agent or do they 'represent' themselves?

  13. I have a question. Have any plyg blood sisters been sister wives to the same husband? What about cousin sister wives? Cousin Aunt sister wives?

  14. Well, Philiocolubus, two of the Darger wives are twin sisters. That's pretty sick if you ask me!

  15. Piliocolobus-
    Yes it is fairly common for blood sisters to marry the same man in polygamy. The Dargers are a family that have been in the media fairly regularly; one man three women, two of which are biological sisters...twins to be exact.Flora Jessop's book Church of Lies chronicles her upbringing in the FLDS where her mother mothers sister were both married to Floras Father. Hope that answers your question!

  16. Whoops meant to say her mother AND her mothers sister were both married to Floras father

  17. Unfortunately, it's not rare for mothers and daughters to become each other's sister wives - especially in the FLDS! It's documented lots of times in various books/documentaries.

    Also, remember those 4 kids on Anderson Cooper? The oldest boy told about his younger sister(who was only 17) marrying their father (in his 70's) and suddenly becoming his MOTHER!! OH yes, sounds like "The Principle" is certainly from God!

  18. Anon 3:31,

    HOW could the oldest boy's sister marry "their father?" I don't get it.

  19. Pilio- In that particular instance, the girl had come into the family years earlier w/her mother and siblings after being reassigned to this boy's family. So, i think first she'd been a cousin and then was raised as his sister and then became his MOTHER! They were raised in the same house as brother/sister and then his Mother (that's actually when he said this is MESSED UP when he had to call her Mother - her being 17 and formerly his sister - and that's when he left.)

    But aside from that example, there are documented cases of TRUE INCESTUOUS mother/daughter from the same man plyg "marriages."

    here's one example:


  20. It is very common in the underground plyg world for both little boys and little girls to be raped by their fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins, etc. It's also pretty common within the Amish community as well.

    Warren Jeffs himself was a teen when he was first known to be molesting little boys and little girls. Unfortunately, there's an abundance of these stories told and how even if the child reported it to their Moms, she was incapable of doing anything about it.

    Flora Jessop was horribly raped by her own abusive plyg father at the age of 9 or 10. There was no one in her family or FLDS community that was interested or concerned to help her.

    When it's a closed society and they're allowed to "police" themselves, the abuses are rampant, horrific and tragic. Unaccountable behavior thrives and grows uglier w/protected secrecy.

  21. another interesting link:


  22. In response to Anon 4:54 and 5:04L

    UGH. That is horrendous and extremely tragic and sad.

    I came from a "normal" family of "one father and mother" and I was abused. My eldest brother who died before I was born was the so called reason I was born. It is only NOW as I am 41 years old that I am piecing together my childhood. ... As far as I can tell, without anyone else in the family coming forth with information... My "father" was NOT my father. Apparently he was still in a drunken state of morning when I was conceived with my mother and a preacher I presume.

    Anyway, since my mother's husband KNEW the truth... that I WASN'T his. I was singled out and abused by both HIM and HER AND my siblings.
    I won't go into details. Except to say I had NO where within the family "structure" to turn to.

    I also KNOW what it means to be threatened and frightened into silence.

    So I just wanted to say that this kind of abuse happens in so called "normal" families to.

    I don't know WHY I am sharing this.

  23. Piliocubus,

    I was too abused. In one of the "prominent" families of our town. Sad thing is, my mom knew, others knew, they just wanted my mouth shut, worried more about their place in society than their child. Where would you have turned a child 20 yrs ago? People didn't talk about stuff like they do now. Thank you for sharing.

  24. Hi! Is everyone "stuffed" and shopped out?

    Like I said, Terrasola has really got something to think about here, and has added a new post above.
    All of you have hit the target - I couldn't say anything better myself!
    But I must say... Mariah has bee aggravating me to pieces lately. Why? I know she doesn't see the whole picture but couldn't articulate it.
    I read this comment, and want to say thanks to 3 wives fan. She put what I couldn't verbalize down, and is exactly what I am thinking.

    ""3 wives fan said...""
    "I think Mariah picks up on how lonely Meri feels plus she sees the other half-siblings with all their siblings and wants the "big" family too. She is misguided to think polygamy is the answer to that unfortunately."

  25. Anon 6:01.

    Thanks for responding. I KNOW it is hard to talk about. You live with it day to day. You are TOLD to SHOVE it DOWN and NEVER speak of it. But it is a scar..., a WOUND that NEVER goes away.

    Well I just wanted to say it can happen anywhere..., NOT just in "secretive" polygamous families. One thing I can say for the Browns is at LEAST their children feel FREE to speak openly.

    Gosh there is so much a child has to deal with in being born and living in a dysfunctional family. It can happen ANYWHERE even in a wealthy "upper crust" family. Believe me I have heard MANY stories first hand from abused children.

    As long as you don't have to have a license to have children, as long as it goes on behind closed doors, as long as women feel helpless to "alpha men" it can and will happen. But let me tell you from experience..., there are abusive women to. My mother not only went along with it, she instigated the abuse with ideas. She told my "father" to lift me up into the attic and close the door.

    YES. There are SICK people out there.

    Just remember that when you meet an injured soul.

  26. Piliocolobus and so many others.. There's probably more women that have been abused whether physical or emotionally, than not if you are older than 45, IMO. So many things have changed. Information highways.. communication at schools, etc.; and I am thrilled about that.
    Even speaking here lets it out. Once you can realize that the only thing you are accomplishing by being angry and holding it in is harming yourself, the sooner you find ways to give it an outlet, and it helps many.
    God Bless

  27. To those on here who suffered abuse- my prayers for your healing are with you. Yes, it can happen even in the "best" of homes. One of my lifelong friends channelled her (rightfully felt) anger at her abuser, who happened to be her biological genetic contributor (the word father is too good for the jackass) , into a career of helping underprivileged kids. I pray you can all find the measure of peace she has found.

    As for the mathematical breakdown- genius. Add to it that Kodouche makes sure he is the primary focus (oh goody, it's Daddy Night- we must all pay homage to the Pater!) and that further reduces the chance that these kids are getting their emotional needs met by him. Basically the wives have to "save up" all that stuff we discuss with our spouses daily- even stuff as minor as "Oh, this bill came in and needs to be paid" adds up when it is only addressed once every four days. So subtract out time he spends one on one per spouse for the average day to day type stuff, subtract out time spent traveling from house to house, subtract out personal time spent with each spouse (what I would call emotional time versus the stuff that needs to be addressed) and these kids get the short end of the stick. Throw in Robyn's whiny, manipulative neediness and you have a group of kids- one with a disability- who are floundering in an emotion vacuum.

  28. First of all I must say that as a Southern Baptist Christian I admit that I began watching your show just so I could watch your family struggle with what I believe God said was a wrong lifestyle. I used to tell people its like a trainwreck you cant look away. In the Bible Ive been given in my Church, it does say that God calls for one man to leave his father and his mother and to cleave only unto his one wife. Ive searched my entire Bible over and over and the only reason that my Bible indicates His preferance for this is to alleviate the trouble caused by more than one wife. Indeed I see in David's life how multiple wives and the children from the multiple wives were certainly challenging. But I can also see that in my Bible, as it is written anyway, David did not have near the compassion nor dedication to all of his wives or children that I see in Kody. I have been glued to the tv now a faithful fan for all three seasons. Ive invited many people to watch. We regularly have review nights to recap the episode and discuss, what we learned about life from the show as well as ourselves. I have laughed, cried, loved, and even lost with your family. All I can say at this point is that I am not sure who is right. I honestly dont know much about the Mormon faith. I am quite truthfully struggling in my faith right now period. That is related to my own life which of course has its own struggles. But what I can honestly say with all of my heart, is that you are a family. Right or wrong according to whomever. You are a complete whole and functioning family. Funtioning better I might add then many of what society deems as the normal family. I feel I can say that with some authority as a latch-key director. I work with a number of students in manogamous households with two parents that have plenty of time and zero interest in their, family, marriage, and least of all kids. I can see how struggling through all of the emotions you all do, IS in fact making each of you better. I can see as an outsider how Kody tries to love each of his wives as individuals right where you are for who you are. I am inspired by that type of dedication that the whole greater good be achieved. There has been no greater demonstration of love I have ever witnessed in my entire life, EVER, than when Robyn offered to carry Meri's child. I know Meri's pain. I have lost three babies. If everyone in the world would try to see each others faults through the eyes of the pain that gave them to us. If they could daily make the choice, because I believe real LOVE is a choice, this world would be such a better place. The sad truth is as I sit typing this, my husband is gone working and, I realize maybe If I had a sister wife I wouldn't feel so lonely all of the time. Believe me I will be tuning in to Season 4.

    Love In Christ,

  29. Aunt Ruff, why would you think that having another woman in your husband's life would help you be less 'lonely'? Does Janelle seem less lonely? Can't you see how Christine feels much MORE lonely, since Robyn came into their lives? Meri said that she didn't have a friendship with any of the other wives, until Robyn. Rarely do two women in a household get along! What if you had a sister wife and after you have been lonely all day, craving some attention from your heartmate, instead your husband came home and paid attention to the other wife instead? Why would you think that a man, who has divided emotional responsiblities, would be MORE receptive to you? And a woman who is in competition for the one man's attention, would be there for YOUR emotional needs? She has her own! What if you couldn't have children, but she has several? Hubby has to spend more time with the wife and children and the sister wife and hubby have even less time for YOUR emotional needs! We see from the Bible that Jacob favored the children of the woman he truly loved, and hurt the other 10 boys deeply. They were horrible men!

    This doesn't work, because it is NOT God's plan. Jesus told us that in Mark 10. Malachi 2 verse 12 and on. Kody is married to 2 divorced women. One had 3 children! God hates divorce. He said so plain and simple as that. Plus check out the verse Mal. 3:6 which says, "I am the Lord and I do not change". Mormons believe that God changes with the current prophet. What one says is fact, one year, then can change with the next prophet. They also believe that God was once a man, and that men like Kody will one day be God of their own planet. Yes, Kody and the wives believe that they must populate that planet with souls, which is why it is a tenent of their faith to have loads of kids and wives. The women can only get into the "celestial kingdom" if their husband calls their secret name, given them on their wedding day; and if she knows the secret handshakes given that same day...then her husband will take her hand and pull her through the veil into the highest heaven. He won't do that if she displeases him, or doesn't remember the "ordinances" or handshakes. Just think how hard it is to be married to god! Does one disagree with God?! How do I know this? Because my family were some of the first Mormon converts who came over from England, one was "martyred" in Missouri and the familes travelled by wagon train to Utah as friends of Brigham Young. I have the genealogies...which are much more than "fun" for Mormons..my family came from the "plural wife"; and Grandpa died in prison for bigotry. I was friends with President Kimball's grandchild. Oh, I know the facts on Mormons and plural marriage. It isn't great. It is very, very lonely and difficult.

    Remember, this is tv "reality" which usually has very little reality in it. They make them look good and what seems great probably isn't. Look at Jon and Kate; they seemed like a nice Christian couple who were tired but loved each other.

    Don't look to tv for the answer to your heartache. You have lost 3 babies and have a husband who also did. The two of you are grieving, but men and women grieve in different ways. I beg you to get some help with your marriage and your sorrow. Look to Jesus for the answers, not to Kody Brown!

    1. John and Kate seemed like they loved each other??? Are you kidding?

  30. Also, with your chart, just think how those poor kids of Robyns feel. They don't get any time with anyone! Certainly not their own father, nor Kody or their mom! Now the girls have been shipped over to Meri's house. First they see their home broken up, then they are moved away from all they know...thrown into a huge family with a new "dad" and several "moms". This IS criminal! Where is their father? They should not have to live this way, it is very unfair.

    Will Kody marry Robyn's daughter one day? Kody married Christine, after meeting her when he was a field trip chaperon! He doesn't really have moral values.

    Robyn was married and had 3 children with a relative of Christine. Janelle was Kody's sister, as her mom is his Dad's plural wife...and she was also his sister in law, being married to his wife's brother! That is wicked. So, it would not be a shock if he married Robyn's daughter and told everyone not to judge. After all, he is god in training.

  31. They are not Mormon even in the show they have said that. They are part of a group that broke off from the Mormon faith and started their own group. The church of Jesus Christ of Ladder day Saints aka Mormons don't practice multiple wives at this time. Just wanted to make that clear.

  32. To the Brown Family. My husband and I were talking about your housing problem and we realized that there was a smile solution to your problem. In your house in Utah you had three families living there, and everyone was happy.
    Don't build four separate homes.. Build a Duplex instead. Not sure if you have them in the States. But here in Canada, you would have a family upstairs, and one downstairs, and on the other side the same thing. You could also have a door which you could have to separate the separate places like you had in Utah. The kids will be happy to be back together, we as viewers can see that your older kids are really suffering. They want to be back together. Also the cost of building a Duplex is far cheaper than building four homes.
    Hopes this helps

  33. The show where Logan is graduating is so sad. Janelle is alone with all her kids, Kody is not there with his first grad. son. Don't know if you caught it, but while on the phone Janelle says to Kody, "where are you, Robins"? Well of course he is . I mean why would he be with Janelle and Logan?? It is afterall just his first child graduating...even at the ceremony he can't sit still cause Robin is not there. She is the only one he loves. That show proved to me a man truly does love only one woman at a time!