It's the question that a lot of people are undoubtedly curious about -- Would TLC's "Sister Wives" ever consider multiple husbands given the fact that their husband Kody Brown has four wives?
http://www.etonline.com/tv/115962_Would_TLC_s_Sister_Wives_Ever_Consider_Brother_Husbands/
That answer was just painful. It's a rule, like what God lets you eat. *fake smile* How cute.
ReplyDeleteThat's too bad, it would do the first three wives a lot of good. Robyn, not so much. She's got enough ego as it is. =)
ReplyDeleteif the point is that it's to bring as many spirits into the eternal marriage as possible, then how's that going to happen with just one wife and several men? it's simple logic based on their belief that it defeats the purpose to reverse it.
ReplyDeleteand i still chuckle every time i read on here where someone wants it to be "FAIR" and the woman should get to have more than one husband. that would ONLY be FAIR if you were really comparing it to apples to apples and not apples to oranges. In other words, biology would have to be reversed and the BROTHER HUSBANDS would have to be the ones bearing all the babies from their one shared Wife! otherwise, how is it the same deal at all?
There is polyandry still practiced in Nepal - Usually two brothers marrying one woman.
ReplyDeleteAnony 11/11 2:13PM
ReplyDeleteSo, what are your thoughts about Polyandry?
Lourdes Ritz-Carlton - anony 2:13 here answering your question.
ReplyDeletei don't think much of its chance for success or need for either sex based again on pure human biology being what it is. i think this link has some interesting stats and info regarding it:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200806/why-are-there-virtually-no-polyandrous-society-0
as far as polygamy itself - as long as it's not coming from a religious dictum that consenting adults want to practice it, i wouldn't have a problem with the law decriminializing it. But you're never going to see the religious aspect of it being legislated out and that's where i've seen its complete unhealthiness thrive. Sister Wives being an excellent case in point. Several of those wives had no problem voicing on national TV they would not choose it for themselves if it wasn't mandated by their God. and that's with their experience of living it for a long time.
The way I've seen it be successful tho was when it was a non-religious choice as well as no children were born and being raised in it. It seems like children and religion certainly change the whole "true free choice" aspect of it all then.
Love this blog, fun, a real hoot, and amazing as I think this is the firqst time some of those spiritual wives have stopped & taken a look or pulse. I think they are for the first time looking in the mirror, hearing & seeing their kids in a bigger context, & having ah ha moments. Just walking down the street, checking in at the schools, and now on blog/TLC PR tours has to be mind blowing. surely the kids at school and on the bus are like, huh.....Has to be overwhelming for kids thrown into a mix & without any familiar friends or supports.
ReplyDeleteanonymous said: "and i still chuckle every time i read on here where someone wants it to be "FAIR" and the woman should get to have more than one husband. that would ONLY be FAIR if you were really comparing it to apples to apples and not apples to oranges. In other words, biology would have to be reversed and the BROTHER HUSBANDS would have to be the ones bearing all the babies from their one shared Wife! otherwise, how is it the same deal at all?
ReplyDeleteI think the point is that it is unequal in all people having the same choices and authority in the marriage, not in result.
The fact that polygamists hide behind the 'it for having more babies and bigger families in the afterlife' idea doesn't convince me that is really their motivation or that it is justifiable because of biology.
When Kody Brown says it disgusts him to think about his wives with another man yet has a glazed over blank stare when his wives explain how they feel about it shows the gross inequity in the arrangement
I hope the Sister Wives have a ah ha moment and think hmmm, maybe I want a husband every night to help me with the kids and my personal sexual needs, hmmmm... you know if they say it they'll find it.
ReplyDeleteAll the PR they are getting might be showing them they are quite desirable in their own right.
Well, except for Robyn. Kody is stuck with that one.
Ahh Haa, I am wife number 6 or 8, or what is it called? ....one woman and four men, not quite the same baby making potential that is why I see polygamy as a little slanted towards the mail. Not to mention if an older wife or or older version is shelved, what does she do then. At age 50, 7 kids, no education or no recent work history, and she is relegated to Siberia so to speak, as new wives come in.
ReplyDeleteMale, oops lol, my goof
ReplyDeleteI somewhat commend them for saying it was a tenet of their faith!
ReplyDeleteAnonymous said...
ReplyDeleteif the point is that it's to bring as many spirits into the eternal marriage as possible, then how's that going to happen with just one wife and several men? it's simple logic based on their belief that it defeats the purpose to reverse it.
and i still chuckle every time i read on here where someone wants it to be "FAIR" and the woman should get to have more than one husband. that would ONLY be FAIR if you were really comparing it to apples to apples and not apples to oranges. In other words, biology would have to be reversed and the BROTHER HUSBANDS would have to be the ones bearing all the babies from their one shared Wife! otherwise, how is it the same deal at all?
I think most people are talking about the inequity of multiple wives not having the same choice as husbands. Reproduction as an argument for gauging fairness really doesn't hold water because polygamy doesn't have to be one wife with multiple husbands or one husband with multiple wives...it could be multiple husbands and multiple wives.
But Kody (and other polygamist husbands) would have nothing to do with anything like that because it would take their role as primary authority and importance. Modern polygamy isn't about making babies imho. It's about forming a patriarchal lifestyle where the man gets to be the central focus and the women have lesser importance.
The Browns can deny it, but the women have less choices than Kody. That is apparent in just the issues they discuss about the kids, let alone more wives or not.
LOL, sorry for the multiple posts about the same point-- I thought I lost my first post
ReplyDeleteAccording to Meri she LIKES her "Me time." She doesn't WANT a man in her house 7 days a week. LOL she gets him like 1 maybe 2 times a week IF she is lucky???
ReplyDeleteLOL Sounds like she doesn't want him around at all if you ask me.
Wendy - then you don't understand their religion and their indoctrinated beliefs if you're not buying it. ;')
ReplyDeleteAnd i stand by my statement that it's apples and oranges for the women to have more hubbies since they're the ones that would still be constantly pregnant.
have you researched and read much about polyandry? and the fact that even aside from religious aspects it's very, very rarely practiced. lots of obvious and some not so obvious reasons to learn about when you start studying it.
Anonymous said...
ReplyDeleteWendy - then you don't understand their religion and their indoctrinated beliefs if you're not buying it. ;')
And i stand by my statement that it's apples and oranges for the women to have more hubbies since they're the ones that would still be constantly pregnant.
have you researched and read much about polyandry? and the fact that even aside from religious aspects it's very, very rarely practiced. lots of obvious and some not so obvious reasons to learn about when you start studying it.
Sorry, I should have been more clear and not so broad in my previous posts, I don't buy the Browns are doing this because of religious beliefs. I wholeheartedly agree that many polygamists believe exactly as you stated- they are fundamentalists. I am only talking about what I think of the Browns. I think they are choosing a lifestyle, but I don't really think they have chosen it because of what they truly believe. I don't really get the feeling they are all that religious at all. (obviously, this is just my opinion of the Browns from what I have seen)
Yes, I have read a lot about polyandry. I don't think very many women are interested in multiple husbands and I don't think very many men could handle 'sharing' or giving up the power that would come with sharing.
I still stand behind the belief that the root of polygamy is steeped in the authority and power it gives the men (even with fundamentalists). Whether you compare apples and oranges or apples and apples...the result is the same- women at the lower end of the importance scale. And the choices being left up to the men. jmo
Piliocolobus said...
ReplyDeleteAccording to Meri she LIKES her "Me time." She doesn't WANT a man in her house 7 days a week. LOL she gets him like 1 maybe 2 times a week IF she is lucky???
LOL Sounds like she doesn't want him around at all if you ask me.
_________________________
Sounds like that doesn't it, but you need to remember that there is a very limited range of arguments that a woman can make about the benefits of having her husband sleeping with other women, and this is one of them. This is just one that get's trotted out all the time in an effort to convince themselves and others that polygamous life for women is "just great." Sorry I don't buy it (I have experience to the contrary and have seen It's effects on other women) This "me time" stuff is also based on the ridiculous assumption that men and women in devoted and faithful relationships can't find time for themselves. I know this may seem a revolutionary idea to you Meri, but Kody could actually take care of the kids while you do something for yourself - good for you, good for him, and good for them!
Wendy - i think you and i are really on the same page after all. I agree that men obviously have the upper hand in their plyg set-up. I just have taken issue with all the ones who keep commenting here that it needs to be reversed to make it
ReplyDelete"fair." Given biological reality, i just fail to see how that makes it the same scenario by any means. that's all.
apparently, polyandy is far less appealing to even "controlling women" whether religion based or not as the stats for it are 83% of the world's population practice polygyny (which is the actual male version of polygamy) and less than a half percent practice polyandry. WOW on those stats! i was in the camp of my own bubble of monogamy thinking that's what the majority of the world does as well. I forget just how many people populate this world!! lol
as far as to what the Browns personally believe? i think they do believe in that basic principle or otherwise, why would some of the wives stay that said they wouldn't if it wasn't their belief. that's pretty telling. they admit they don't like it and aren't happy but still know their only choice is to follow their God's will or be damned to hell. that's really no choice and of course, i find it very sad. We know their kids are being taught the same "choice." So, when they say their kids have a choice to stay in their religion - they're leaving out what the extreme consequences are if they do choose to leave it.
As for the rest of their actions, i find them probably very liberal members as well as just a completely dysfunctional train wreck of a family. and probably most of all that can go back to their plyg lifestyle that's just not woking for them. Kody doesn't have a clue how his wife and kids feel about it really let alone care why. He likes it and knows he's got his kingdom for the next life and that's what matters to him. He's keeping his eye on his celestial reward at all times.
Has anyone ever thought of this concept? Now not speaking of Meri but generally. What if the first wife is lesbian and just wants children and relationships with other women? I mean wouldn't this be the ideal set up? The man is just the sperm donor. With enough wives you only have to deal with him once maybe twice a week. If you are the first wife you get to have a big say in the selection of the other wives. (In Meri's case, it DID seem as if she had a BIG say in the selection of all the wives.)
ReplyDeleteNow homosexuality is a big no no in your religion, but this is a way to get around it. You don't need to or can't have a sexual relationship with the other wives, but you certainly CAN have a deep emotional relationship with the other wives, and you essentially have children together so that binds you together as well. Basically you do EVERYTHING with these women, shop, discuss the children, family issues, personal interests...
Watching Mari and Robyn doing each others makeup on the camping trip got me thinking in this direction. Could lesbian women get something out of this set up? Granted if they are holding faithfully to their religion then they can not be having sexual relations with the other wives, but if they could do without that then couldn't a lesbian in the closet per say get something out of this set up? I mean they only have to deal with Kody once a week, and they may not NEED to put out if they are not seen as fertile anymore.
Let's face it the women spend more time with each other than they do with Kody. They could even be asexual, but want children and enjoy close female friendships like those when you are growing up, where you tell your best friend EVERYTHING, and do everything with them. The kind of relationships a girl has with her best friends BEFORE she is serious about guys/men. What do you think?
Best girlfriends syndrome does not a lesbian make. So, no... i don't think this lifestyle would hold any appeal to a lesbian. Especially if they couldn't act upon their genuine love/attraction towards one or more of their sister wives. Seems like a lot of further frustration would be added to frustration.
ReplyDeleteBut i'm not a lesbian nor a plyg, so let's hear from them! lol
OK Well Best Girlfriends syndrome then. Where they never grew out of that need for a girlfriend at their side involved in EVERYTHING in their life. If they grew up in a plyg family they probably PLAYED Mommy, Mommy, Daddy, Mommy Mommy house games as they grew up. So it would seem natural for them to NEED other mothers in their lives.
ReplyDeleteIt just seems like they spend more times with the other wives than with Kody, and they like it that way.
I'm going to chime in here as I have some life experience that is actually pretty relevant. In my late teens and early twenties I dated married men exclusively. I don't think I ever dated a single man at that time. I was almost never jealous of the fact that they went home to their wives....why? Simple - I spent one or two days a week being all pretty and doting on him, then the rest of the week the pressure was off.
ReplyDeleteWhen he was with me he was treated like a king - we'd do things he liked, talk about things he liked, intimate activities would be as per his preference. I was able to create a very artificial sense of basically a honeymoon phase in short bursts. There was no way I could have maintained that day in day out 7 days a week. Which brings me to the conclusion that this is exactly what Robin is doing!!! The other women are also doing this on and off - they cater to Kody at their absolute full potential for that one or two days a week. The rest of the time they can relax... see what I mean? That's what Meri was talking about with "me time".
I might also add in here that when I dated married men there was the added challenge of garnering that man's affection. It was like a prize of sorts. Women compete - it is in our very nature to compete for men. This situation (sister wives) is no different, except that the older wives were probably out of that phase after being in the relationship for so long, but thrown back into it when Robin arrived. So yeah there's a tonne of reasons behind why women would subject themselves to this, but it's definitely not something that I could tolerate long term unless I were married to a rock star or a prince of some sort :P
TL:DR - Robin can maintain the honeymoon phase cause she only has to see Kody a couple of days a week. Women are built to compete with each other - but long term it's all a bit too much.
And, sadly, your situation or theirs, it's all about HIM and not about YOU from what is sounds like. I guess you might think it's about you, or why would you do it?
ReplyDeleteI hope you are in a better place now.
@Cheezie - yeah you're 100% accurate. It was all an exercise in validation. I make no excuses for the behavior, just offering the perspective up as watching this show has struck a chord.
ReplyDeleteRe. these days - I'm a long way from where I was :) I'd love to see the Sister Wives ladies (well the first 3) get to experience a relationship of a more conventional kind but I fear they're too far down the path to consider that option.
So would we, but those ladies are in head on denial. I too had an affair when I was young. So glad I saw what was so wrong with it- (besides morally) and moved on to be better.
ReplyDeleteThese ladies won't grow as you and I did, for the will never admit polygamy is wrong!
These ladies have admitted they don't really like it (other than Robyn cause she's new wife and queen bee and gets to pawn her kids off on either her ex, the teens or sister wives and she doesn't have to work/worry about bills) and that if it wasn't their belief, then they wouldn't choose it.
ReplyDeleteIt would take some MAJOR deprogramming to get their beliefs out of their system and then a lot of therapy after that to deal with the aftermath. I don't see that's in the cards for these people. Too many years and too many kids invested in it now.
To Anon 10:44,
ReplyDeleteMost women who indeed have more than one man in their lives are not practicing polyandrists (is that a word, btw?)
A study was done in the '90s, after DNA testing became cheap, that was looking for genetic trends through all classes and ethnic groups in Great Britain. What was discovered, which had nothing to do with the study, was that at least 10% of all children are calling the wrong man "dad". This phenomenon was spread equally through out every socio-economic group.
Women don't claim another man as a husband. But we aren't strictly monogamous creatures. Even species that practice pair bonding for life are now known to diversify their genetic potential through female "flings".
So, what's natural? In our species, in which sex is used just as much for social bonding as reproduction, it's almost impossible to tell. If women mainly take care of the young children, then having a man on the side is in some ways a guarantee that she will have some sort of support should her main man leave or die. We DO see this particular situation over and over again in society, where a connection to more than one man is an underground survival strategy.
I am a married woman of 21 years and I never had an affair. Even when we were separated for a year. Men are dogs and whose to say a second husband wouldn't take what I had and leave me? I heard too many stories about that and so I protected what I had for me and my children and stayed single. After a year of separation and THIS close to signing divorce papers my husband and I got counseling and decided to make another go of it. It's been 21 years now.
ReplyDeleteMy husband always says, "One wife is enough." He had thought about an affair after 7 years marriage. He met this person online. I caught the communication and kicked him out. I had the law on my side but we won't go into that. He moved in with his brother and his wife. He was devastated. We didn't communicate for a whole year, except for exchanging the kids every other weekend. After the papers were all written up I was like, "So I get full custody, the house, child support and maintenance, but is this REALLY what I want?"
Long story short. THIS woman didn't want to date again. That is too much work, with a job, and kids. Besides I had seen too many women rush into a relationship too fast and then lose everything from a man even worse than the first.
So IMO playing the field is NOT in a woman's instinct or drive.
Plot - the situation you're describing is VERY different from ONE WOMAN being "married" to 4 men at the same time along w/those 4 men being monogamous with only her. you know - like a true plyg or polygyny situation. LIke the Browns - only in reverse. so, not sure why you're trying to make it the same thing cause it's far from what i was addressing.
ReplyDeleteThe next Brown reality show will be the kids revealing how much it hurt them growing up with an upset mother and with a very-occasional father.
ReplyDeleteKody says that the question about brother-husbands is the most abrasive and "hypocritical". What? I guess he doesn't understand what the word means. His disgust with this alternate variation on multiple-partner union is what is hypocritical! Also-- he was happy to have "access" to all his wives in the hotel rooms. Which one did he sleep with that night? How did the other three feel? Or did he play musical beds? When will #5 join the happy group? What will Robyn think of that once she has her new baby?
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, Meri’s “me time” is referring to the time she spends alone with her daughter. I am going to assume she has no issue when it’s her day with Kody and she and Mariah get him all to themselves. Wouldn’t we all want a break from spending time with 3 other adult women and 16 other children? She does love her “me” time…I would too and so would everyone else!
ReplyDeleteMeri stated in last week’s episode that if not for the religious aspect of “sister wives” she wouldn’t participate in this type of lifestyle.
Mariah, Mariah, Mariah..God help her. She wants to live this life style because she wants sister wives. Sweetheart, you are a lonely only child. Yes, you have brothers and sisters that your father produced but it’s not the same as living in the house with a sibling that mommy gave birth too. Mariah wants sister wives because she wants a close relationship with another woman. All she really needs is a good best friend and a clue!
Their religion teaches plural marriage and creating multiple children but what does the religion teach about raising the children and being there for each child? No way in hell is Kody a good father to all 13 of those children. I get so irritated when the wives say “our children are fine”. Bull crap!! Not only do the women need to work through jealousy issues in regards to sharing their husband, the children have to share their father. They have a part time father. Kody does not only rotate time with the wives he also rotates time with the children. I agree with the friend from last week’s episode that said they are living like a divorced family.
It would be challenging for Kody and one wife in a monogamous marriage to balance the needs of 6 children on a daily basis. Adding the 3 wives 7 more biological children and 3 step children to the mix is ridiculous. For the life of me I cannot understand why they added Robyn and her children. She adds no value to this already struggling family.
All I can say is oh my, what a mess.
I thought it was so funny when they were asked how they felt about multiple husbands. I thought about that reversal from the beginning of ever watching that show and they all seem to think that was the craziest idea ever. Like, who would want to have more than one husband? Are you kidding. I don't think that's any different at all from multiple wives.
ReplyDeleteMany women are the main bread winners with husbands staying home to raise the kids. Women need and love sex as much as men. Lots of women.
After reading many enjoyable posts, I want to comment of lesbian tendencies. I wondered if the 2nd to be married wife (can't think of her name) was not really into men. She has just made comments that made me curious. She seems more masculine to me.
ReplyDeleteWhen she said "Who would want that really? Men are a lot of work." Can't that be true about both sexes and someone said constantly pregnant if there were multiple husbands. Ok in response yes but after so many she can just get a tubal be done at 4-7 thats still less than 16 and in MY fantasy I have a husband rubbing my shoulders, one cooking dinner, one running the kids a bath, and the final walking in from work, yeah that just sounds awful..... lol (thats of course flipping this Brown scenario and making kody female and the sister wives brother husbands)
ReplyDelete