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Thursday, January 19, 2012

An Asian View of Polygamy: Mister Polygamy

As published on The Asian Age (http://www.asianage.com/) website

Mister Polygamy
By editor
Created 18 Jan 2012 - 00:00

Is it the lure of sex that makes men cheat? Bill Clinton cheated on Hillary, Silda Wall Spitzer stood by her husband New York Governor Eliot Spitzer despite him cheating on her, Tiger Woods made headlines for serial philandering, while Hugh Grant split with Elizabeth Hurley when he couldn’t hold himself back on his encounter with a prostitute and right after Sean Penn’s split with Robin Wright, he made news for his public affair with actress Natalie Portman. Recently caught in the red was Ashton Kutcher when he cheated on Demi Moore. The scene is no different in India with our line up of casanovas like Kamal Hassan, Aditya Pancholi, Salman Khan, Shekhar Kapur besides many others.

Men will be men and nobody can refute that. According to sociologist Eric Anderson, who recently launched his book The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love and The Reality of Cheating, men will always cheat, even if they love their partners and don't want to leave them. So what is it that that makes them unstoppable? Does this hold true for men in India or do such statements reinforce unfair generalisations? We dig in.

Actor of repute who has acted in Indian television, film and theatre, Meeta Vashisht opines, “Cheating on a partner is always a result of sexual low self-esteem, (however minor it may be), the inability to communicate with a partner and a lack of respect for one’s committed relationship, essentially a lack of respect for self. It needs courage, humility, insight and wisdom to face the gaps in a relationship.”

But Delhi-based Brijesh Dahiya, whose ex-girlfriend thought he cheated on her, concedes, “I completely agree. The phenomena of cheating is instinctively based on the primal male nature of being polygamous which is again mammalian like a lot other species. The idea of monogamy is an applied social norm which we’re expected to fall into. Now love is a pure emotion that stirs feelings of belonging but is not an antidote for attraction beyond singular partners. For a man to not address his attractions are only out of respect for his social scenario and value for belonging-ness that love offers.”

Giving in to the view that men were probably born to be polygamous in nature is fashion guru, Prasad Bidapa who has launched many new models and actors. “Men are known to be genetic markers spreading their seed far and wide. Their body craves sex with other people somatically. Sigmund Freud also spoke on how men, unlike Indian farmers, produced seeds in abundance, many of which would go redundant if not put to good use.” Agrees the rich and famous hotelier Vikram Chatwal, “I do the bhangra when I see gorgeous women.”

Departing with a nay is brand guru, Harish Bijoor who chances upon meeting many pretty faces on his various international travels. “If men cheat, they are cheating with women and that means equal number of women are also cheating. But there might be more men who like to take the not-so-straight road.”

Source URL: http://www.asianage.com/life-and-style/mister-polygamy-346


Kody doing the backward bhangra with the midwife

Interesting leap from cheating to polygamy, but the author makes a point with the idea that some men need to spread their abundant seed so it doesn't go to waste. And  'bhangra' is Punjabi dance music!

On the subject of spreading his seed, can you imagine Kody doing the bhangra? Oh, wait a minute - we've already seen that!

Cynical Jinx

Kody doing the bhangra with his sisterwives and Ellen


  1. I was watching The Talk today and they were discissing Newt Gingrich wanting his wife to share him. One of the hosts said something I totaly agree with and had to laugh. "There only one man on this planet who gets to live that way, and thats Hugh Hefner"

  2. With all due respect to
    Prasad Bidapa and Sigmund Freud, spreading one's seed is also what a junkyard dog does.

    If man is just genetically designed to act like a dog...why pretend that marriage with one, three, seven or thirty wives is sacred...even celestial??

  3. .... how men, unlike Indian farmers, produced seeds in abundance...


  4. OMG...I forgot how creepy Kody looked when he was doing that backward shuffle with the midwife! That man needs a "celestial vasectomy" to go along with the "celestial wives".

  5. I don't understand how everyone contributes human monogamy to social conformity by citing that cheating or polygamy is "mammalian like a lot other species." What about monogamous species?! I could just as easily say that humans are instinctively monogamous like a lot of other animal species (monogamous mammals and non-mammals do exist here, folks). I find that a poor argument.

    Also, maybe we are not meant to be with one sole mate FOR LIFE, but yet still meant to be monogamous. And by "meant," I mean instinctively. It says something when two humans only desire to spend time with each other and have no desire to be with anyone else, even if that relationship only lasts for a few years. That, to me, speaks for our monogamous instincts. There are also many factors that come into play. In basic biology classes, monogamy is explained in a more practical manner, i.e. monogamy for humans allowed for better brooding of offspring and better survival rates. So there is your "mammalian instincts!" Monogamy could have been instinct just as people claim it could be social conformity.

  6. yes, we have biological urges, and men may have the urge the spread their seeds around, but since we've climbed down from the trees and developed something called "civilization" where we have learned to over come our basic instincts, like not banging someone over the head with a rock when they piss us off.

  7. Boy I'm impressed. Another sociologist writes a book. He'll assign it as required reading. Charge a hundred bucks a book. And he already got funded to do the study. At least, that's the usual way these amazing studies come out with such frequency. Then, even tho I am a girl, I lift my leg on them when they are disposed of in my field. Which brings me to Lobotomized's comment, with which I concur. If the Indians had distributed as much seed as they need to feed all the people their male seed have created, their people would not be so hungry. Many of their Guru's also lead celibate lives. So what have we, nothing but studies of extremes? We can all think of a hundred reasons why committed relationships among humans are needed.

  8. If we put aside the arguments for and against the biological imperative to mate with many others, for just for a moment...

    According to an article from The Daily Mail in the UK (yes, I know they're known colloquially as "The Daily Fail"; but, interesting to note anyway):

    "The sample size and targeted group is questionable to stand alone as a study, the Media Research Centre Network said, and asking undergraduate men about monogamy - in a time many are exploring and pushing boundaries."

    Also, the fact that the posted article is even considering the opinions of an actor, a fashion "guru" (Freud? Really??) and a hotelier on this matter.


  9. The media does so many things to distort what regular people are actually like. I do not believe most men want to cheat. I have known many men and am even married to one, that aside most guys stand by their partners faithfully
    not because they have to but because they want to. They want intimacey as much as women. What we see on TV and in rag mags are people who live on a different plane than the general population and just maybe it takes a certain type of personality (very egoistic) to attain that sort of "success" be it money, many different partners etc.

  10. Regardless of so-called mammalian imperative and seed spreading, when my husband says "I do" he commits himself to me and to our marriage. Period. The END.