Becoming Sister Wives: Prologue and Part One: Matrimony

DISCLAIMER: If you plan on reading this book and you don't want to see spoilers, STOP READING NOW!

Okay, now with that off my chest, I can begin.

You know, I rewrote this review/report at least ten times. Why? Because this book was just so awful, I couldn't  stand to read my own negativity.

Now, that's bad...

For a break (and my own amusement) I ventured over to the Brown's Twitter land pages. One person wrote " Oh, your book was so great, I spontaneously burst into flames while reading it" and another wrote "I just love your book so much I can't put it down and I need to go to the bathroom, reeeelllly baaaaad!"

Am I reading the wrong book?

So, I girded up my loins and started reading the book again, and promptly fell asleep. Woke up, started reading again and yep, fell asleep again.

Is it just me?

I am positive that the way this book was constructed had a lot to do with my sudden onset of narcolepsy. Allow me to describe the layout to you. First you have this really bad family tree -- basically composed of a column with a wife's name and the year she married Kody, with a straight line down from her name to whatever child/children she birthed and their year of birth.

I mean, we all know who the grandparents are, they are mentioned in the book -- sometimes by name. Couldn't we see at least one generation back? Guess the grandparents really didn't want to be connected with this mess of book and demanded anonymity. Or maybe Kody wasn't willing to share royalties.

That's OK, I feel your pain...

This book is constructed so oddly... as if Kody, Meri, Christine, Robyn and Janelle were handed a piece of paper and told to 'write, dammit, as if your very lives depended on it' and the results were then strung together as a disjointed Meri's page, now Kody's page, now another Meri's page, now Christine's page, now Kody's page etc etc ... a weird discombobulated mishmash of thoughts that sort of are connected with each other...sometimes.

But there are some real gems in some of those pages.

If you've seen the movie 'Bridesmaids', there is a scene where Kristen Wiig accuses her roommate of reading her diary, and the roommate deadpanned "...I thought it was a sad, handwritten novel...", well that's what I think when I read Meri's 'pages'. Her thoughts were laid out so matter of fact, until she wrote about her love for Kody. Then she became animated. One thing for sure, Meri loves Kody and Kody loves Meri. They really are soul mates, no doubt about that.

But the one wife whose recollections were the most eye opening was Christine's. Now, I'm not sure if this was on purpose or was innocent, but Christine related a story that definitely was not part of the reality show. It seems that Meri and Kody, in their quest for a sister wife #2, started courting a girl from their congregation. Now, even though Christine had introduced this girl to Meri and Kody, she felt this young lady was a bit too young. You see, she was not yet 18 years old, but that was okay because as long as Meri and Kody did not marry the girl until her 18th birthday, they weren't doing anything wrong, apparently.

Now I ask you. Meri and Kody were at least 6 years older than this girl, and they were courting her for marriage? In fact, when the girl turned 18, they were dead set on Kody marrying her and even set a wedding date. Unfortunately, the wedding fell through a scant week before it was to take place.

Sounds so familiar, doesn't it? Isn't that the excuse FLDS parents used when asked about underage marriages -- that their daughters had to wait until they were 18? What they didn't mention was that those underaged teenagers were still being courted by adults.

Funny how this never came out on the TV show...

I've put together some other little tidbits of information that I found interesting.

While Kody stated as a family, their biggest struggles have been financial, he never mentions the failed businesses, or the bankruptcies. But he does say that "...If one of my wives...makes a bundle while her sister wife is looking after the kids, she will share her bounty. If someone has a windfall from tax returns or inheritance, then she usually shares a good portion of it."

Interesting...

Kody certainly had a lot to say in the prologue. While getting made up before his first appearance in front of the press, he nonchalantly tells his makeup person "My show is a lot more controversial. It's the first of its kind..it's about my family. I'm a polygamist and I have four wives."

Wow, not so fast bucko, because you were not the first polygamist family to be showcased in a reality show on TLC. That honor goes to Brian Wachtendorf in a gem called "My Husband's Three Wives". In case you missed it (and apparently Kody did) that show starred Brian, his legal wife Pam, his second wife Kathy and his prospective 3rd wife Denise. It premiered on September 24, 2006. And it was bad, very very bad...

Remember that famous kiss between Robyn and Kody that drove Christine to tears? Well, now according to Kody, right after he and Christine were married, she made him promise that if he married again that he would kiss his new wife before they said their marriage vows. So with that in mind,  Kody said he "...took Robyn's face in [his] hands and kissed her" to seal their engagement deal.

I guess Christine forgot about that...Aw heck, she was 9 months pregnant and hormonal!

Here's some more Kody tidbits:

• His mother discovered fundamentalism when he was 14 years old.
• His parents were excommunicated from the LDS church when he was 19 years old.
• By the time he returned from his LDS mission, his father Winn had already taken a 2nd wife (and it wasn't Janelle's mother...she was wife #3)
• He did not start courting Meri until he converted and was baptised into the faith.
• He was so grossed out by a chubby Christine eating chili cheese nachos that he cooled off their relationship.
• He was so financially strapped while dating Robyn, he considered selling his car, and admitted he didn't have the money to marry and support Robyn, but knew he would find a way. (hint hint)
• Meri made it clear to Kody that she was not prepared to court Christine, but Kody pressed on with the relationship.

Some of Janelle's tidbits:

• She married Meri's brother Adam after he converted to LDS. Although they had a Temple wedding, in six months they had separated and were divorced approximate one year after saying "I do."
• Janelle and Meri were best of friends until she joined the family as Kody's 2nd wife.
• Her mother at first was appalled to learn Kody was courting Janelle. When she met Kody's father Winn, they had instant chemistry and she converted and became his 3rd wife.
• Winn had wanted Janelle to marry Kody's brother, but she was already in love with Kody.
• When she married Kody, he and Meri were still "very much in love and they had no idea how to incorporate me into their lives...When we watched movies they would sit on the couch and hold hands under a blanket and I'd sit in my own chair."

Some of Christine's tidbits:

• Her grandfather was the head of their church, "You could say that when it comes to our church, I'm connected."
• She decided as a teenager she would enter a plural marriage only as a 3rd wife. Being a first wife was too much work and too much self-sacrifice. She felt a second wife disrupted the marriage between the husband and the first wife and caused heartache. The third wife makes peace between the first and second wives.
• Christine's mother divorced her father and left their faith.
• Although she married the man of her dreams, Christine realized on her honeymoon that she had married Kody too soon. He had a lot of baggage, not to mention two warring wives to contend with. It took a year for Kody and Christine to fall head over heels in love with each other.

Last but not least, some of Robyn's tidbits:

• She married at 21 to a man who was from a "well-regarded" family in their community. In fact, she called the Jessops Spiritual leaders. Unfortunately, he mistreated and misled her.
• She invented an alter ego super hero called She-Rah who represented Robyn's tougher, bolder side.
• She decided after her divorce, if she married again she didn't care what her husband looked like.

So there you have it, the Prologue and Part One: Matrimony. Next up, Part Two: Sorority.