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Sunday, January 8, 2012

Experience: I married my twin sister's husband

I dunno. I just don't think I could ever in a million years willingly marry my sister's husband, or my cousin's husband, or even my best friend's husband. Then again,  my uncle puts mayo on his peas. Different strokes for different folks like Sly Stone used to sing, I guess.
 Cynical Jinx

'Our sex lives are private, the one area we never share or discuss'

Val Darger
guardian.co.uk, Friday 6 January 2012 17.59 EST


http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/jan/06/i-married-twin-sisters-husband?newsfeed=true

Mention polygamy and people assume it's all about sex, designed to suit men more than women. I'm aware that my life, and my religion, can sound bizarre to outsiders. I grew up in a polygamist family in Utah. My father was an orthodox Mormon; plural marriage is encouraged. As well as my birth mother, he had two other wives living nearby in separate houses.

It wasn't until I was 10 that I realised how many people disapproved of the way we lived; once someone even spray-painted "Polygamist Bitches" on our drive.

I didn't understand why – as siblings we were confident and popular at school. Our family was happy; my mother and my father's other wives were good friends. It was all I knew and I couldn't see why it provoked such hostility and anger.

There were 40 children in my family, but my best friend was my twin sister, Vicki. We shared everything and had always been close.

When I was 18, I met my first husband and for the first few years we were happy. By now, Vicki and our cousin Alina had both married the same man, Joe. I'd known him since I was a teenager; in fact Vicki and I had both had crushes on him. While their marriage appeared to flourish, mine floundered and at 30 years old, I found myself alone with five children – convinced no man would want me again.

One night I was visiting Vicki and as we sat talking, Joe arrived home. I looked at him and felt this incredible jolt of energy. I was confused by my reaction – since my high-school crush, I'd never felt anything.

Joe and Vicki would often phone to make sure I was OK. During one call, Joe asked: "Are we going to talk about what happened between us? I know you must have felt something, too." I brushed it aside, still feeling raw from my break-up.

Over the months, I began to confide in him and our feelings grew. He asked me if I wanted to become his third wife and I accepted.

Admittedly, it was impossible not to feel jealous while we were dating. Joe and I would return home from a romantic evening, only for him to spend the night with another woman. Vicki struggled, too, seeing her husband falling in love with me. I know she was envious we were in that thrilling "honeymoon" stage of our relationship, whereas I felt intimidated by how well she, Alina and Joe already knew each other.

"I'm never going to have that history with you," I told Joe.

"We'll make our own history," he reassured me.

Three months later, Joe and I married and I settled into new family life. Vicki, Alina and I share everything, from childcare to time with our husband. We take turns riding in the front of the car and sitting closest to him on the couch.

People are always fascinated by our sleeping arrangements but, contrary to rumours, we don't share one giant bed. We have separate rooms and Joe alternates between them. Our sex lives are private, the one area we never share or discuss with each other. It's too easy for comparisons to be made and insecurities to creep in.

If one of us has a birthday, special event, or needs more of Joe's time, we shuffle the roster. In the early days it got a bit confusing but now we keep the schedule in our BlackBerrys.

We're very loving, affectionate people but we always have to be considerate. No matter how long you've been together, it always feels strange to walk into a room and see your husband hugging another woman. At first I was suspicious that Vicki was competing for Joe's attention.

It took a while for me to truly believe she was prepared to share her husband with me.

Joe and I have now been married for 11 years, and have had four children together. Vicki and Alina are just about to celebrate their 22nd anniversary. We're very happy, but we've had to work hard. The success of our plural marriage hinges on being open and honest. I still feel jealousy but rather than letting little niggles build up, we air them at a weekly meeting.

Some people find it uncomfortable that we share the same husband, but I don't see the problem. Our relationship is full of love and trust, and I get to spend my life with my two best friends. I feel very lucky.

40 comments:

  1. Absolutely disgusting!

    What a betrayal, you don't value your sister do you? Your lifestyle is anathema as is that of the misguided and sick one of the Brown cult.

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  2. Hmmm I can't seem to decide which part of her life I envy most...taking turns sitting next to my husband on the sofa, receiving affection every 3rd day or keeping track of my (and my sisterwives') sex schedule in my Blackberry...that's a toughie!!! LOL

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  3. "We shared everything." *throws up in mouth*

    I will never understand why anyone would want their daughter (or sister) to be part of this.

    Good to know they get birthday sex, at least. Wonder who gets his birthday? Oh wait, it's always his birthday when twins compete! Hooray!

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  4. You raise an interesting point, Gogi. Who DOES get him on the twins' birthday??? Ugh I shouldn't have even asked that question, because I can't imagine an answer that won't make me nauseous.

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  5. AHHH! I didn't even think of that! Who gets birthday sex on the twins' birthday. Happy Birthday!

    Yuck.

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  6. You guys are putting the husband down, but there is actually a medical condition for what he has. It's called assholitosis.

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  7. OMG !!! Where to start on this one !!!??

    Her father was married to her birth mother and two other "wives"..
    She claims there were *40* children...from *three* women..! So that comes out to 13 1/3 kids *per woman.* A breeding farm for sure.

    "Vicki struggled, too, seeing her husband falling in love with me. I know she was envious we were in that thrilling "honeymoon" stage of our relationship,.."

    Gee...Ya think !!!???

    "We take turns riding in the front of the car and sitting closest to him on the couch."

    Oh good lord..does this not sound like a 14 yr old's diary, written durung study period..??

    "One night I was visiting Vicki and as we sat talking, Joe arrived home. I looked at him and felt this incredible jolt of energy. I was confused by my reaction – since my high-school crush, I'd never felt anything."

    Might that be also called *desire and *opportunity* to have what they had ???

    "No matter how long you've been together, it always feels strange to walk into a room and see your husband hugging another woman. *At first I was suspicious that Vicki was competing for Joe's attention."*

    Again...Uhhh, Ya think ???!!!!

    "If one of us has a birthday, special event, or needs more of Joe's time, we shuffle the roster. In the early days it got a bit confusing but now we keep the schedule in our *BlackBerrys.*

    Okay, now this is JUST bizarre !!!

    Master Joe must be literally living on the little *blue pill* if his performances and ETA's (estimated time of arrival) are all logged into the Blackberrys.

    Yes, I am amused.....

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  8. What exactly is their definition of marriage? "Relationships between douche bag and as many female idiots to whom said male idiot can convince he is a god."

    How about he keep his zipper up and have intimate relations with his WIFE... not his "celestial" ::vomit:: wives.

    I feel like these two need a lesson from Lorena Bobbitt.

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  9. I am a twin -- she's my best friend -- we have our own husbands, thank you very much. this is so YUCK! I mean you have to program your 'blackberry" ugh!!

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  10. the more she describes their marriage, the less need there is to argue against polygamy, because her very explanations ARE PROOF that this is not a normal way to live!

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  11. Here is how polygamists Bleed the Beast for welfare dollars. Think Ol' Mitt Romney will address this if he is elected President?

    http://polygamybegone.com/

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  12. Anon 9:11, Romney is a Mormon, not a Polygamist. There is a difference, FYI.

    The twin sisters are showing once again polygamy does not work. Jealousy is part of the equation. I can't even call it a "marriage".

    Just like the Browns, there is lots of supressed jealousy. Ugh...

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  13. The sister thing is what first shocked me about this family. I didn't realize that the other wife was also their cousin. Sheesh. Yes, reading about their husband sharing is quite disturbing.

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  14. This is why TLC did not go to these people. This family is a whole new level of sick that the browns can't touch.

    Whats especially awkward is that the kids are not only (half) brother and sister but cousins or second cousins! Not to mention that the DNA is a lot more common then the run of the mill half brother and sisters..

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  15. Whats especially awkward is that the kids are not only (half) brother and sister but cousins or second cousins! Not to mention that the DNA is a lot more common then the run of the mill half brother and sisters.. "

    Yep......definitely an even bigger added *ick* factor about this family!!

    And since these sister/cousin/plgy wives are also *glam and bling* girls...(no tank tops over t-shirts for them)...it must have been annoying for them to see the Brown babes get the TLC brass ring.

    I did take their book out of the library and tried to get through it. It's a yawn, for sure.

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  16. Nobody talks about the sex much. I’m about the same age as these women. I know what they must being feeling physically. If (let’s say) Val's hormones are kicking in and she wants a little afternoon nooky with her husband? That can’t possibly happen unless they plan and sneak off. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to have NEVER had unplanned sex with my husband. So if Val is wanting some sexy time, but Joe has to spend the night with Vicki that night, who is having her period. The next night he’s with Alina, who is tired and wants to sleep. By the time he gets to Val, she’s not in that place anymore, cuz that was 2 days ago.
    These women aren’t getting normal and healthy IMOHO
    Their missing out on REAL MARRIGE

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  17. I read this book and when I was done I felt, for lack of a better word, disturbed.

    These three women spend a lot of time being very jealous of each other, but since they see jealousy as a weakness and a fault within themselves, they seem to always figure out a way to spin the jealousy to make it look like an opportunity from God for spiritual growth. In other words, they are constantly fighting a feeling that, in this situation, however bizarre, is a perfectly normal emotion for them to have.

    Even more than the Sister Wives, these three seem hyper-aware of how Joe spends each second of his time. They all want him. Unlke Janelle, who seems to have married Kody so she could have a baby daddy, the Darger wives seem much more catty to me, even as all three of them talk about how much they all love and trust each other. They try too hard to make everything seem like a bed of roses, which makes me think that all three wives live in a constant state of jealousy. I cannot imagine living that way, day in, day out. It's got to be emotionally exhausting...but they'd never, ever admit it.

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  18. Truth is stranger than fiction for sure! On a serious note, I wonder if the women suffer from mental illness. Vak certainly sounds like she is not grounded in reality, and if everything she says is the gospel, Vicki and Alina are not either. If that is the case, I feel terrible about all of the snarky remarks I make about polygamy in general and the Browns and Dargers in particular.

    On a shallow note, I sat next to my boyfriend in the car when I was fifteen. I get embarassed for myself just thinking about it! Yikes!!

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  19. I can share my hubands laundry and toe nail clippings but not his penis and definately NEVER the couch space beside him!lol

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  20. I don't really agree with this lifestyle, however I don't think it's right for everyone to to make such contemptuous comments about these polygamost families. Just because a certain belief is not for you doesn't mean you should belittle it. I don't agree with different aspects of many religions however I do not feel the need to point out every flaw and mock them. I personally could not have sister wives...I am much too jealous and don't necessarily agree with it. However if the husband, wives and children are all happy and cared for then who cares if that is how they want to live? What makes any of you any better than them? Who can say that their religion is the wrong one and yours/mine is right? The Brown family (and the family mentioned in the article above) are not trying to push their religious beliefs onto anyone else. They are simply trying to be able to live their lives not hiding who they really are and hoping to be accepted in spite of them. So why can't we as a modern society be open-minded enough to say that despite our personal beliefs, I don't see you as different as any other person. Personally you can be atheist, christian, polygamost or believe in vampires and fairies for all I care...what you believe doesn't make you a bad person because it isn't the same as what I believe. As long as no one tries to shove their religion down my throat I will befriend anyone despire their denomination.

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  21. Anon 7:16

    Who are you to try to censor me? What gives you the right to criticize me for freely expressing my own thoughts? You are being very hurtful to a lot of people with your criticisms. What gives you the right to belittle others just because their opinions differ from yours?

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  22. Anon 7:16

    How about the fact that these women are completely brainwashed?

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  23. To Anonymous 7:16

    You certainly are entitled to your opinion...as are the members here.

    But let us be realistic about a few things.

    If you or I or anyone chose to put our personal lives and family's lives on display, be it on a sequential television show or in a book or at public appearances or press events, we should expect a variety of opinions/reviews of the product or concept we are selling, wouldn't you agree?

    And to use one of the possible examples which you stated....
    If I signed on, *for pay*, to do TV show or write a book about my and my family's belief and affiliation with vampires, I would darn well expect my *audience* to have a difference of opinions. Whether critical or glowing or disinterested....I would expect opinions.
    That is what going to the media generates. These people surely knew that.

    You say..."They are simply trying to be able to live their lives not hiding who they really are and hoping to be accepted in spite of them."

    That could well be true. So why then didn't they, don't they, simply live in their communities, not hiding, not underground.... and just *live* their lives like the rest of us.

    Why the need and choice to shine their own spotlight on themselves?
    Society isn't targeting them....*they are targeting themselves! *

    Just my opinion.

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  24. Anonymous 7:16

    Here is a recent tweet between Meri and her daughter:

    Mariah: you know how men are...they think no means yes and 'get lost' means 'Take me, I'm yours.'
    Meri: You're so funny!

    My opinion? These people are so ill equipped to be in today's world. Their thinking, as shown by the above exchange between a daughter and mother are medievel.

    Mariah - what your mother should have taught you was when a woman says NO to a man, she means NO and nothing else. and GET LOST means exactly that!

    Sorry to say this but it looks like their society is a rapists and stalkers paradise!

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  25. It looks like the Captain of the Mother Ship got into trouble again

    http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/Latest-News-Wires/2012/0109/Polygamist-leader-Warren-Jeffs-loses-phone-privileges

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  26. Anon 1:18

    - "Their thinking, as shown by the above exchange between a daughter and mother are medievel."

    Is it possible that Mariah and Meri were being facetious?

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  27. I wonder how many of Warren Jeff's child "wives" said No and Get Lost when they were told they had to hook up with him.

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  28. Some things just aren't funny, anony 12:57.

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  29. xenia, I see so much that this family does and says that is not funny.. and perhaps sarcasm was the word that better describes their comments. AND we know that sarcasm is not really a healthy, or nice form of humor.

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  30. I know this sounds like a broken record but....

    Meri said herself she wouldn't be a polygamist if it wasn't for the "principle". Whenever there is subservience because of fear or obligation it's just WRONG!

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  31. Anonymous 7:16 The Browns and Dargers may want to just live their lives peacefully, out in the open, but this show isn't just a simple show of say, how Greek Americans live, their customs and what food they eat. This is a fundamentally different way of family and a different view of life, and more importantly, their view of the after-life, which they are strangely silent about. The audience senses that there is more to it that they are saying, more to their religion than simply "it's a tenet of our religion". This is more than just a different kind of living arrangement and the fact that they are so silent about (the kooky part of) their faith is what keeps people digging and talking.

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  32. eww the tweets between Mariah and Meri give me the creeps. And what Meri should have said is, "when you tell a boy NO he better realize it means NO or your dad and I will hunt him down!" NOT "oh ha ha you are funny."

    To the anony defender of the browns:
    I don't really care that they all live together and pretend to be married via super special secret (oops I mean "sacred") ceremonies.

    I start caring when news comes out that they were milking the government and MY tax money by being deceitful on forms about their living arrangements and children.

    I start caring when they are NOT happy. I don't think any of them are, save for maybe Robyn right now.

    And hot darn, when your religion involves super sacred underwear that JW Marriot claims saved him in a fire, yeah. You believe that if you want to but the rest of us have every right to snicker a little at that one.

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  33. http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/104256/joseph-smith-part-2#searchterm=mormon

    Dumb, Dumb, Dumb, Dumb, Dumb...

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  34. AnonymousJan 9, 2012 06:11 AM How is Mitt to blame? He doesn't practice this way of life and hasn't bilked the system like so many polyg fams do. So get a clue not all Mormons agree with this or the way women are treated, I am a well educated Mormon twin who would never for one second share my husband with my sister, nor she with me, our lives while close would never be like that, I know no Mormons who even begin to think Kody is a stand up person, or like the way he has devalued women or by having so many children he can't begin to afford and take care of.

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    Replies
    1. Dear Educated Mormon,

      The Department of Justice is part of the Executive Branch of the Federal Government.

      http://www.usa.gov/Agencies/Federal/Executive.shtml

      Delete
    2. In general you are right - most Mainstream Mormons are anti polygamy. However, Liv International (based on Orem, Utah) whose CEO is Mormon and has Mormons on its board, had no scruples about cashing in on the Browns "fame" as polygamists in order to promote the company.

      Delete
    3. Anony 10:26 said: "I know no Mormons who even begin to think Kody is a stand up person, or like the way he has devalued women or by having so many children he can't begin to afford and take care of."

      You don't know mainstream Mormons LDS who support the Brown's and think Kody is great?

      Then you must not be reading the Sister Wives TLC page.

      Delete
  35. .....

    I'm back, sorry was in the other room puking. However I will say just the one thing.

    Marrying your twin sisters husband, and sleeping with him and sharing with your sister.

    No...No...I can't even begin on how horrible that is, to do to someone you love. Can he even tell the difference? That is not love.

    It's called lust. Get used to feeling it, embrace it, let it control you for a short while. But never at the expense of other.

    Case in point? My sister's ex- is a buff marine, who'd I jump in a millisecond.

    But guess what? My sister had him first so besides a friendly hello, I control those emotions and never show them. Family loyalty it is a great thing.

    So I go find another boy-toy, because yeah I'm 21 and want to fool around now. Not later now.

    Lady you are a damn human being! Act like it, you are free to live out any and all sick and innocent fantasies in your dreams, and with consenting adults. Yet act like a decent person and don't screw your sister's husband in front of her! And expect her to accept it. If I'd done that mine would have killed us both. If she did that to me I'd go freaking crazy! Family loyalty.

    You lost a twin sister, for a cheap and easy screw. And believe me there will be cheaper women then you, so he'll get a new "wife" soon. And then the one person who you could count on will always be silently hating you, and doing everything to destroy you. Oh she'll smile and act nice, and it might take another 11 years, but rest assured when you are at your most vulnerable, weakest moment. She will hit you and hit you hard. A women can hate for years, and always smile.


    Women are more dangerous then any man.

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  36. I think all this there soon is Awsome there not to many men out there I bet that's not thought what it be like to have more then one woman

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  37. Of course IM Les but I think it's fine from a lesbian point of view more women the better

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