Review - Sister Wives: Secrets Revealed

What secrets? Will we learn what Kody really thinks about Papa Joe Darger? Or if Janelle hates Meri? Or if Christine knows the difference between a long time and a really really long time? Will we learn what will shut Robyn up for good? Or will we learn that Kody really doesn't have a job.

Will we learn how these 5 people were able to qualify for almost 2 million dollars in mortgages?

Sadly my friends, we won't learn the answers to all these questions. But let's take a ride on the Brown Family railroad train anyway...

ALL ABOARD!!!

Once again, we are treated to the Browns undergoing yet another interview. Unfortunately, Natalie Morales must have opted out this time, but we did get another seasoned interviewer  -  NBC's Tamron Hall. Now Ms Hall is no lightweight shrinking violet reporter - just take a look at how she handled a problem interviewee last year ( http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/11/tamron-hall-tim-carney-mic-msnbc_n_1510311.html).

I had such high hopes, but Brown khaos is especially strong stuff. Tamron started out strong herself, but eventually got all tuckered out from all the adults talking over each other and just gave up in the end. I feel your pain, Tamron. I've watched this episode at least 25 times and have fallen asleep EVERY TIME. The last time I was able to stay somewhat awake, thanks to several cups of coffee, but even now I have this strong urge to close my eyes and follow that bright white light...

But, business first.

As we bid adieu to the Browns at the cuddle sac in the season finale, I'm getting the feeling these people must virtually live there. I can almost hear Kody saying something like...Hey, we paid a bill today. Let's go over to the cul-de-sac! Can you imagine the looks on the faces of the construction workers as the Brown Krew rolls up with kamera krew in tow AGAIN?

As Tamron starts out her interview, she eventually brings up, in her words, the Brown's nemesis - The Dargers, specifically Papa Joe. Now we all know that Kody can't hold a candle to ole Papa Joe. And it seems Kody is getting a bit weary of his Kody-pendents wanting him to take on some of Papa Joe's better attributes - like being a leader or being organized and having good communication skills. And especially the way Joe's family listens to him. In short, being everything that Kody can never be in a million years.

When Kody says to Tamron "...I can't have organization without obedience so the chaos will continue..." it is evident that Kody just doesn't get it.  He apparently believes the skills of organization and leadership are the direct result of obedience. Perhaps in a Warren Jeffs world, but in a normal society leaders don't go around demanding obedience in order to be an effective. I venture to guess that if Kody's wives and children RESPECTED him, they would LISTEN to what he says. But they have seen his kind of craziness (Kody calls it chaos, I call it craziness) before and they aren't willing to be lead down that road to Perdition once again.

For a scary moment, my mind flashed to an over testosterone driven Kody Brown asking...rather...DEMANDING his four wives and 17 children (some of whom actually share his DNA, poor dears) to  OBEY HIM. Then Meri puts him back in his place of total good for nothingness with a few sharp words from her brain in her loud voice.

Yay for Meri!

By the way, I think I've cracked Christine's strange time measuring code. If she says, for example, she has known someone for several, several years she means  about 4 years. If she says years and years and years, she means about six months (in the case of writing a family mission statement).

She's also said the Dargers were good, good friends so I venture to guess she hates their collective  3 wives, one kitchen, living under one roof guts. She most likely won't characterize them as sharks, but more like independent flesh eating piranhas.

DON'T MESS WITH AN AUB PRINCESS OR HER STONE FACADE MCMANSION WITH NO MICROWAVE OR TOASTER IN HER SEPARATE (BUT SEMI-EQUAL) KITCHEN !




But I digress...

Actually, Tamron does try to break through the facade Kody and his Krew have built around themselves. When she says to Kody "When you can't share a kitchen, and you can't live in the same house - it's counter to what you've told me are the joys of plural marriage and being in this together..." Kody was left speechless.

Robyn cooperating with her sister wife

And as usual, it was the sister wives who attempted to help dig Kody out of that hole his limited thought processes dug for him. Janelle steps up by saying "I actually don't think that sharing a kitchen means that we are together. I think together for us means that we cooperate in raising the children."

Oh yes, just like you cooperated with Christine by watching her children, particularly toddler Truely while she studied for her real estate exam. Let's not forget Robyn bringing in her sister Taralyce to watch her children - basically saying she doesn't trust her children with her sister wives.

Yep, I'm seeing a lot of cooperation. </snark>

Meri then adds "We all interact with each other." Like the little parrot she is, Robyn agrees by saying "Yeah..."

But Tamron shows the Browns she will not let it go when she counters the faux sisterhood the sisterwives are trying to dish out by simply saying to them "...You just can't do it under one roof..." Even Meri couldn't talk her way out of this argument. When she says they have tried living under one roof, and it didn't work, she then tried to justify the failure by saying "...we just know that what we are doing now works really well for us."

Sounds to me like having sister wives isn't all it's cracked up to be, doesn't it?

Next topic...The McMansions in the cuddle sac, particularly that damn stupid wet bar of Meri's. Meri still doesn't understand how greedy she looks by demanding to have a wet bar when her other sister wives have more children - whose cost of living are much higher than hers and can't afford 'luxuries' - like Janelle's cement pad in the backyard. It just shows how ridiculous these women are. Meri may have a brain, but she doesn't use it much, unless of course, when she senses she is not getting exactly the same, if not MORE than her other sister wives.

Like I've been saying all season, Meri could have had that counter space custom built instead of adding 3 bedrooms and an ugly ass sink cabinet against the wall of her great room.


When Tamron asks the Browns if they had a move in date yet, every single one of the adult chimed in Oh no, we're not 100% in these houses, this is all a dream and we stay positive about it (Christine). We haven't purchased them, we just got pre-approval (Kody). We haven't signed on the dotted line. We don't have the keys...blah blah blah.

If they are going to lie, the very least they can do for their audience is to lie QUICKLY.

So it's not surprising when Tamron asks them what their plan B was, the blank look of "Duh...what's a plan B? How do I answer that one?" was clearly visible on the Kody's face. This time it was Robyn's squeaky voice rising above her other sister wives. "We would have to stay where we're at and work on something new" replies Robyn. Ya think? Maybe ya'll would move into 4 doublewides in the Nevada desert, perhaps? That would make for good TV, if you know what I mean...

It is obvious to me they didn't have a plan B because they didn't need one. They would be moving into those McMansions, and they all darn well knew it. Remember Kody giving Meri the ultimatum she had to make her mind up about having a baby by the end of the year? And in the finale Kody saying he wanted to be moved into the homes by Christmas? And don't forget...the leases on the rental homes would be coming up for renewal  in January 2013. Those McMansions were a done deal!

Stop wasting the audience's time, Sister Wives producers! We are not stupid, you know!

Finally, Tamron asks the question so many viewers have been asking...How are the Browns financially able to afford those McMansions plus maintaining 4 separate households with 17 children, including college, cars etc?

Of course, Kody tries to weasel his way through the question by saying "We work together..." but Tamron refuses to let him off the hook. "You work together," she says, "but you can't print money!"

Oh oh, Tamron's got Kody once again. And just like before he stumbles over his words, saying " It is reality that...you know...you cast your bread upon the waters. You do the work..." Kody's reply left me wondering if he thought quoting Ecclesiastes would explain his obvious penchant to throw good money after bad. But Tamron was able to get one more turn in the knife she just deposited in his back when she explained "I'm just asking the questions that the viewers, you know, are asking..."

All hell suddenly broke loose as the four sister wives all started speaking  at the same time. Eventually, Robyn was able to interrupt the ensuing cacophony of indignant sister wives voices to speak her mind. She explains to Tamron, "When we walked through the houses yesterday, my stomach was sick. I was like - Dear God, Help us make sure we can afford these houses, forever. We definitely have our work cut out for us. But we are determined and it is our goal...."

If I were their mortgage lender, those are not exactly the words that would be giving me a warm fuzzy feeling. Not when almost two million dollars have been spent on four over priced houses for a group of people who's main source of income is a reality show on a channel whose number 1 reality star is a child named Honey Boo Boo.

Nope, I would not be feeling warm fuzzies at all...

Of course, the conversation now turns to Meri and is she or is she not going to have another baby.  Meri contends she is not thinking of replacing soon to be graduating Mariah with another child to avoid that old empty nest syndrome - especially with 6 or 7 bedrooms that need to be filled in her McMansion with the wet bar and the french doors. Needless to say, I think Kody finally tells the truth when he says he knew her answer almost 3 years ago when Meri told him she was done having babies. It's obvious that Meri wants more time with Kody, but she can't compete with baby incubator Robyn. And it's plain to see that Kody wants to start making another baby with Robyn when he told Tamron that he and Meri decided to try for her carrying her own baby first before pursuing surrogacy with Robyn. Whether Meri wants to admit or not, she's using the baby issue as a way of keeping Kody closer to her. And she must see the handwriting on the wall that she's about to be left behind.

Yep, another highlight in the life of a plural wife.

How do the Brown teenagers figure in the world of polygamy and plural wives?  Maddie thinks if polygamy is lived "the correct way" you won't have evil men taking control like Warren Jeffs, but she is definitely going monogamy. Aspyn has decided she wants to be a plural wife, but doesn't want to have to wait long for the right man and/or family to come along, especially since she doesn't want to move back to Utah to find him. Logan won't say either way, except he gets a bit of a twinkle in his eyes when he mentions having a wife or two down the road. Hunter says no, but his facial expression says maybe. Mariah is just...Mariah.

And when Tamron asks who wants more Browns in the family, it seems all the girls say yes. One holdout was Hunter who feels that maybe there are too many Browns in the family right now.

Ah.....Out of the mouths of babes....Made me wonder which sibling (or sister wife) he was considering doing away with!

As the conversation continued with a discussion of the Holding Out Help episode, it was interesting to hear Logan say that the questions the HOH teens asked about their family dynamics (like what does your mom think of the other moms, how does your dad treat your mom, etc) were the same questions a monogamist would ask. So it makes you wonder, are the Browns really a typical polygamous family or are they the exception?

I guess to answer that question we would need to see more examples of plural families. All in all, I have this feeling that the Brown teenagers are a bit naive in their expectations of the world. On one hand they can be fiercely independent (Maddie) but on the other hand, they can be totally complacent to the plural lifestyle and not really giving much thought at all of whether it is harmful or not(Aspyn and Mariah). I'm left feeling a bit worried about people taking advantage of them.

As the interview winds down, Tamron turns back to the adults. Of course, Kody brings up the mission statement. It's obvious he feels the mission statement in some way will bring his families together as one family. I have a feeling, however, that won't happen, not without some real thought and effort being put into the statement's construction. And when Christine mentions the re-commitment ceremony, it becomes painfully obvious someone is feeding this to the Browns as a way to spice up their TV show. Let's face it, if the Browns were as committed to their religion as they are to their TV show, would they really need a ceremony to prove it?

I think Robyn's own words explains what's really going on - "We want it to be an event".  Yep, suitable for filming and manufactured to increase ratings...Right? Right.

So now at the end of the show, Tamron goes to each adult Brown for their expectations in the new year. Meri can't really articulate what she's looking forward to at first, but finally says she's looking forward to growing and learning with her family and improving relationships. Robyn hopes to see her family and kids flourishing in the McMansions. Janelle's looking forward to having a home, having a job and income again, reestablishing their family culture, and to making Las Vegas their new hometown. Christine looks forward to paying off the homes, and for other plural families to realize what a blessing they have received. Kody, obviously going for a best actor Emmy, brings on the tears and choked voice to say he will feel blessed to be able to go out in public with his wives and say to the world they are a family and he loves them all. He then turns and looks lovingly at Robyn sitting next to him.

And on that note, the show is over.