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Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Game of Groans

During the recent half season of Sister Wives have you been excited by the sister wives’ verbal sword play and emotional backstabbing?  Do you miss the intrigue, seduction, lavish costly adequate meagre sets and costumes of the Las Vegas casas del Browns?  Then you will love our very own

Game of Groans: the Sister Wives Edition
also known as: Browns Don’t Pay Their Debts / Cancellation is Coming

Do you know who made the following comments?

First prize is a no-expense paid vacation to Robyn’s house in Las Vegas to babysit her children while she and Kody have a second honeymoon.

1.       “Love should be multiplied, not divided.”
a.      Kody Brown
b.     Mrs. Brown, my 4th grade math teacher
c.      Reverend Brown, minister at the First Street Methodist church
d.      James Brown, Godfather of Soul: married 3 times, had 9
   Answer:  Score two points if you answered anything but “a”.  Unfortunately, however, it was Doofus who made this comment.  Apply brain bleach and deduct 10 points if you answered a.

2.     “We don’t do weird.”
a.      Meri Brown
b.     The Brown M&M
c.      Chris Brown (Rihanna’s ex)
d.      Bobby Brown (the late Whitney Houston’s ex)
   Answer:  The Brown M&M, of course.  After reading the Brown’s book, it is apparent that Meri is very weird; therefore, “a” cannot be true.  Five bonus points if you have the inside scoop on whether this comment is true.

3.     “Hold on there Johnny Appleseed.”
a.      Hunter Brown
b.     John Chapman (Johnny Appleseed’s real name)
c.      John McIntosh (discovered the McIntosh apple)
d.      Maria Smith (discovered the Granny Smith apple)
e.       John Cripps (developed the Pink Lady / Cripps Pink apple)
Answer:  Hunter Brown.  An extra 10 points if you know what the comment means. 

4.     “I’ve been praying about it ever since we met.”
a.      Robyn Brown
b.     Zac Brown (country singer)
c.      The unsinkable Molly Brown
d.      Dan Brown (wrote “The Da Vinci Code”)
Answer:  Robyn said this when providing Meri with her offer of surrogacy.  However, we think it would be better as a country song lyric.  Are you reading this Zac?

5.     “Modest is hottest.”
a.      Christine Brown
b.     Christina Hendricks, actress on “Mad Men” (has considerable “assets”)
c.      Christina Aguilera, singer (albums include “Stripped” and “Just be Free”)
d.      Christian Bale, actor (famous for his leaked on-set X-rated rant)
Answer:  Gee, this is a difficult question.  The answer is, Christiane Amanpour, CNN correspondent.

6.     “How do you date as a married man?”
a.      Kody Brown
b.     Kody’s friend Andy
c.      Kelsey Grammer
d.      Every married Mormon fundamentalist man
Answer:  While Kody’s friend Andy (married to Nicole) said the words, the quote applies to “e”.  Do you remember Andy and Nicole?  They belonged to the AUB, but hadn’t yet taken a second wife.  We hope they still haven’t!

7.     Toasters kill more people than sharks.
a.      Christine Brown
b.     The brave little toaster
c.  Jaws
d.  Cylons and Transformers disguised as toasters
Answer:  This was actually a clever marketing ploy by Kenmore to boost microwave sales.

8.     “_____ is a raging testosterone monster.”
a.      Hunter Brown
b.     Detective Sergeant Rick Hunter (Hunter, the 1980s TV series)
c.      Kody Brown
d.      Solomon Brown
e.      Solomon Grundy
Answer:  Kody said this about his son Hunter.  We think that Kody is actually the testosterone monster.

9.     Who was worried that someone might “proslight” about Mormon fundamentalism (Mormon pronunciation of “proselytize”)?
a.      Kody’s friend Ken
b.     The Pope
c.      Elton John
d.      Reese Witherspoon’s mother (accused her husband of bigamy)
Answer:  All the above, with special emphasis on Ken, who apparently lacks a dictionary.

10.  Who has the scarlet P?
a.      Kody Brown
b.     Kody Coxxx, adult film performer
c.      Buffalo Bill Cody, you know who he is
d.      Diablo Cody, writer
Answer:  As usual, Doofus put his foot in his mouth when he attempted to sound literate and compare “The Scarlet Letter” to polygamy.  The result sounded more like something that required antibiotics. 

11.   Who says they will be out of the house the day they turn 18?
a.      Madison Brown
b.     Helen Gurley Brown
c.      Sylvia Brown (the psychic)
d.      Jackson Browne, singer-songwriter
Answer:  Madison is apparently psychic (and feminist) as she says she will be will be supporting herself the day she turns 18, even if she is running on empty and that being a sister wife is definitely not for her.  You go girl!

Written by" Terrasola 


  1. very funny. Thanks for the laugh!!!

  2. U made my day....hilarious!

  3. Haha so funny, Johnny apple seed I think is another way of saying "Jack ass".
    Love the Brown M&M and they are all weird.
    The kids are the only ones that seem
    A-mature for their age.
    B-grounded and not neurotic
    C-well adjusted considering their circumstances

    Thanks for the laughs!!!

    1. I thought Johnny Appleseed was kind of a code word for a polygamist guy. You know, planting his seeds all over the place. Which, of course, also fits the definition of Jack Ass

    2. Not an American so know little about Johnny Apple Seed. Didn't he go around spreading apple seeds all around? So Hunter is accusing Logan of being a good little Plig boy soon to spread his seeds far and wide?

    3. Yes, yes I didn't even think of JA spreading his seed... Is this Hunter outting Logan as a future polygamist? Interesting. He has never proclaimed that he is against his parents religion like Madison always does.

  4. omg....watching season 2 episode 3 on netflix....about 5 min. mark..... they are talking about wives contributions to the family and robyn says "you pay for the bills and i help carry your children" no kidding!!! christine then directly follows with " you bring home the bacon and i fry it in a pan" wow.

    1. Did anyone else just have a flash-back to those Enjolie! commercials from my 70's childhood--or think about Peg from Lady and the Tramp? I apologize for my nostaligia to all of you who are lucky enough to be too young to understand one or both of these references. LOL

    2. Everyone has a part... I don't see anything wrong with it.

    3. hello everyone. as a long time lurker i have to let you all know how very much i enjoy this blog...sadly i too could answer all questions too funny. i understand that everyone has their role in a family but robyn seems very minipulative in expressing hers. i think she saw the gravy wagon(eyes light up) and will do or say anything to be portrayed in a good light. first following the $$$ and being her passive aggressive self saying what ever it takes to look good and fit in. she is a fake. so is the show. i have a bit too much time on my hands of late....4 broken ribs (ouch)....so my 7 year old and i watch this show and pause a lot to try and copy their facial expressions...i have been noticing a lot more than kodys weird reactions....calenders change as do the wearing of rings...and baby bumps. sooo much editing too little time...i don't know what to make of it. thank you btw for such a wonderful blog....i have learned so much here about things i never knew existed. i did, a few years ago research scientology until i was blue...seems to me like l. ron used a lot of morman beliefs in his writings....what better way to make a ton of money then to make up your own religion. there are some very interesting parallels the occult seems prevelant in both plus tons more. sorry to hijack here, the pain meds are giving me diarrhea of the keys..lol.

  5. also i had to pause while robyns fridge was open and swear there was a bottle of wine with a piece of paper towel in it...right behind an unopened bottle of champagne.....

    1. Very interesting. Robyn you lil devil you!

      I still contend Meri was a little looped on the umbrella drinks in scene way back (Mexico?) where Kody said he wanted to know if she wanted to do IVF. They both looked a bit hammered.

      Maybe Meri indeed DOES want a wet bar with some booze in it? After all would seem Kody leading his own religion over there, why not? Make each woman's 'night' staring at the ceiling a tad more enjoyable?

      Sadly, according to this hysterical game I know FAR too much about this family. (Drumming fingers on desk, wondering where to get a life ;)

    2. Isn't she a Montana girl originally? - AUB Pinesdale, Montana was known for its drinking parties amongst the teens

    3. Yup, she's a Piney. There is also a specific reference in her (and Preston Jessop's) divorce papers that there is to be no "excessive alcohol consumption" around the children. One might assume that THAT must have been spelled out there for a reason.

    4. i'm wondering what happens to Robyn's speech when she gets tipsy. Is she suddenly able to enunciate words correctly? Does it work in reverse and she actually loses her mouth full of marbles slurred speech? lol

  6. I'm so sad that I know all these.... LOL :)

  7. "The Brave Little Toaster": I loved this movie back when I was 32!!! (Since outgrown.)

  8. Last sentence of (10) caused me to splorf. Too funny.

    1. ditto to both GS and to Anon 9:03 :]

  9. I know far too much about these doofusses.

    1. Please explain "doofusses"....

    2. Cynthia, the word doofus generally refers to someone who is not a genius, or who acts in a foolish way.

  10. Great humor - made me smile! Sad, that I too knew nearly all the sources of these quotes. This blog is turning us all into experts! Maybe we should hit the lecture circuit? : )

  11. I know this is off topic, but too good to pass up. On the "Losing in in Las Vegas" blog, someone posted this to Janelle

    '"Hey Janelle – You’re beautiful and smart and can get rid of 180 pounds fast by dumping Kody. Just a thought."

    Love it!

  12. DakotaJustice (DJ)July 19, 2012 at 12:01 AM

    Omg! This was a magnum opus SPLORF!!!

  13. This was too funny. I just really started watching SW this season, but I saw snippets of last season. Still, I could answer all these questions b/c I read this awesome blog. I lurk here everyday, and it's at the top of my reading list ... Makes me laugh. Keep up the good work :)

    1. Because they recycle every scene over and over. The episodes feel like 10 minutes of new film and 10 minutes of "dream back" scenes and history of the first of their marriage.

  14. Got site bookmarked for laughs & insight. Nice to know I'm not alone in my opinions. I also ck out their FB page. Their fans are K razy...telling ppl to get leave, "we" are rude,etc. Some religious fanatics quoting the bible like this is a religion. To me it's a lifestyle. I don't post there. They are angry, scary ppl. Not sure they know about free speech.

  15. I think "Johnny Appleseed" means a goody-two shoes.

  16. I know that this os off topic but I thought that this was too funny. I was on SW Facebook page and Meri has a recipe called Meris Cranbetty Salad. Someone commented that she should give thanks to Paula Deen since Meris recipe is almost word for word. Another person commented that Meris recipe is from Betty Crocker. How funny. Some of the other comments made me laugh. Of course there are a lot of people gushing all over Meri and say how much they miss the show not being on. One comment wished them luck on the new homes. I am curious to know what is going on with the homes. Any updates on the houses.

    1. DakotaJustice (DJ)July 19, 2012 at 5:03 PM

      It always kills me to see people on the TLC SW FB page clamoring for a cookbook...the recipes are virtually guaranteed not to be originals by any stretch of the imagination and are just a bunch of ready-made and/or processed foods thrown together OR recipes lifted from the back of a box or a church cookbook. But hell, the Pioneer Woman (Ree Drummond) and Sandra Lee on the Food Network have been doing the same thing for some time, so I'm betting we see some sort of crappy cookbook filled with lots of color photos of those gorgeous hip sister wives and of course, Kody dipping his ladle-like spoon into the super-sugared Cream of Wheat and scarfing down fishstick tacos. LOL and yup count me down as being interested in house updates.

    2. I have the perfect title...
      "Mock Cook Book"

    3. Still not understanding all the "Mock food". 1. "Mock Ravioli" the recipe doesn't say what pasta to use. the pic shows bowtie. Why not just call it bowtie pasta with spinach? 2. I know how you all feel about Mock Tapioca. I am the first to admit that I have HORRIBLE eating habits. And the reason why? Because I developed them when I was a child. Perhaps If my SINGLE MOTHER who actually worked 2 jobs and was buying her own house was eligible for food stamps I might have better eating habits. If these women got food stamps those kids should eat better foods then this stuff. I am starting to think that some of these women are lazy.

  17. This is very smart and funny! Glad to see you back Terrasola! We want to see more of you!

  18. Very clever !!!

    Loved the "....also known as: Browns Don’t Pay Their Debts / Cancellation is Coming." :-)))

  19. Witty and Intelligent! Loved the post!

  20. This is just the tests I got in Sister Philip Joseph's Biology class :) LOLOLOL

  21. RobynGotTheLIVTicketNotTheGoldenOne!July 19, 2012 at 9:19 PM

    Terrasola, I haven't seen you here in awhile. Glad to see you back!

    tidbit - Robyn's suggogacy was endless re-showing, was it not? Way too much credit.
    She would be kind enough to do that for a sister, however, you all are correct it was a win win for her.
    Meri would gladly accepted it 10 years ago from one of the other sisters, but never asked. Christine was especially gentle with Meri about her pregnancies; Janelle was not. Not because she's mean, she is too practical to spend money on it.
    Meri is very confident. If she does this at this point she was shoved to for the show.
    Cute post

    1. finally seeing realityJuly 20, 2012 at 7:05 PM

      Still think the surrogacy was scripted. If Meri had her Uterus she could do IVF herself and have no need for Robyn.

  22. We DontUseChineseKidsBuyOurJunkJuly 20, 2012 at 12:04 AM

    Loved it, great for a good chuckle! Love this site. My name is a great DUMB quote from Robyn!

  23. ah hahahahahah great post! Madison, you GO girl!

  24. "Toasters kill more people than sharks." Oh that Christine, she reminds me of a co-worker. Nutty. Kody and multiplying-my cats must be polygamists, too, ha!

  25. Pretty sure Hunter meant "Johnny Appleseed" as the dig they're used to hearing it directed at plyg men. Urban Dictionary confirms this vernacular. The first definition given was spot on and the sentence about why Montana women don't count is funny!


  26. OK, I have a few questions and comments:
    1. You do not have the correct answer for #4. Robyn's words were: "I've been prayin about it." Have you noticed that she always drops her g's? Maybe she can get some enunciation lessons courtesy of TLC.
    2. I cannot decide which person has the creepiest hair, Kody Brown or Aarti Paarti's husband "Bren." He really creeps me out much more than Kody does.
    3. Christine would not kiss a married man and was offended when Robyn kissed Kody to celebrate their engagement. I am so glad that Christine is a woman of priniciple; she will not kiss a married man; she will only MARRY a married man.

    These comments aside, I do not miss an episode. I don't know why I find it so fascinating, but I do. I am mad at myself for that, but I keep watching!

    1. What u said about not kissing a married man but marrying one ... That needs to go on a t-shirt ... Win!

    2. She's not even marrying the guy, she's just sleeping with him!

  27. Great blog! Laughed out loud!

    BTW, did anyone else notice that Sister Wives was not nominated for an Emmy? Personnally, I was shocked--NOT!!

  28. Would you talk about your son las Kody did, with the "T" word, ever, on TV? So much for modest!

    "Old lady #4 wanted to be a surro-get, but Lady #1 said, nooo...too much champagne, my friend to be my best bet"
    My feeble attempt at a country song.LOL

    LOVED it Terrasola, great for snark on a Friday night!

  29. Anonymous j/Mock FanJuly 20, 2012 at 11:27 PM

    I really liked the game but had to drop out early, my frontal lobes are still fusing or possibly they blew during sex or something.
    How can this family actually be proud of exposing their massive dimwittedness????

  30. On an off note...I would enjoy the Browns quite a bit more if they didn't GROAN and CRY all the time. Seems like life's a breeze when not taping. Shopping, homes, businesses, trips, my lord! My kids would be thrilled with ONE trip. The blessed part is my kids along with yours, have parents that KNOW them and attend tot heir needs. They would probably trade for that!

    I don't envy their housing at all. My butt would be with my church in Utah.
    However, personally I feel the crying is a manipulating move to create sympathy. Why are they never thinking of those others that need help? Do they tithe? They run all the time, why not go to church in Utah or Mexico once a month? STOP CRYING!

  31. HAHAHA My word to type in was: Terasola 42 - how weird was that?

  32. Off the subject, does anyone know if the tell-all can be found on the internet? I missed it.