In 2011, the Sister Wives Blog started out as a place to talk about the TLC reality show "Sister Wives", Kody Brown and his wives Christine, Robyn, Meri and Janelle. Today we not only discuss the show, we discuss Polygamy in our society, and the public perceptions of the Mormon Religion. We discuss "Polygamy USA" and will be covering "My 5 Wives."
This blog is geared towards the adult reader, so please, no one under the age of 18 years. Thank you!
Family on reality show challenges Utah’s polygamy law.
A federal judge has set a hearing date for arguments on whether a reality TV show family’s challenge to Utah’s law banning polygamy should be dismissed because prosecutors won’t file charges against them.
A central legal question in the case has been whether Kody Brown and his four wives, Meri, Janelle, Christine and Robyn, have the legal right to challenge the law even though they were never charged under it.
Despite the recent well-publicized and deeply disturbing child molestation trial of self-proclaimed polygamist prophet Warren Jeffs, TV reality show polygamist Kody Brown and his trendy wives and family seem to be everywhere these days. Their TV show, "Sister Wives," is a big hit. They are constantly sought after for interviews and talk show fodder, and are even up for an Emmy nomination. It seems like every time I turn on the television I am seeing or hearing stories about their "...unconventional -- yet somehow relatable family." Unfortunately, that type of terminology, which is doled out in heaping portions by the media, has a dramatically different meaning for me than for others who seem to have been smitten by the show.
For more than seven years, as a private investigator I have been investigating and researching similar polygamous societies, but mainly the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (FLDS) and its outlaw prophet, Warren Jeffs, who is now serving a sentence of life plus twenty years in a Texas prison. With respect to the polygamous cultures that I have been dealing with over the years, that type of unschooled and reckless terminology makes me recoil. I can only hope and pray that the depravity of child abuse and the degradation of women and children to the status of chattel will never be thought of in such a callous manner as simply- unconventional yet relatable.
In my world, unconventional doesn't mean four mommies showing up for back-to-school night; the FLDS do not send their kids to public schools. If they're lucky, the children may receive the equivalent of an eighth grade education before being sent out to work on a construction job, or to become mothers themselves. Admittance into the bride pool can begin within a few weeks after a child's twelfth birthday. "Mother" is the person who raises and nurtures you as a "daughter in Zion" over the course of those short formative years. She then takes you by the hand and places it in the hand of a man decades older, in an arranged "spiritual sexual union," alongside that man's several or many other "sister wives." That's what I call unconventional!
And it's not just the girls and women who are victims of these polygamous practices. Think about the math. The normal male to female ratio in any given population is approximately 50/50, including polygamous societies. So if a family's religious ambition is to gain as many wives as possible, what is to become of the leftover male population? Kody Brown has four wives, but many men have eight, ten, twenty, even more than eighty wives. The more wives a man is able to acquire, the higher his religious standing in the polygamous caste system. So what happens to those boys?
One way or another, they're discarded and cast out. Abandoned by their families, cut off without contact and forcibly ejected. One of the earliest FLDS cases I worked on involved many of these "lost boys." It's heartbreaking. Just a few weeks ago, at Cottonwood Park in Hildale, Utah, a fifteen-year-old boy crashed the party of a group celebrating the Fourth of July. The partiers were a handful of former FLDS members who had had the good fortune to break the strangle hold of the unconventional culture they had been brought up and indoctrinated in. In an act of desperation, the boy approached the group of strangers and pleaded for help. The picnickers reported the sad events surrounding the boy's story: "His dad told him that he was 'no longer welcome at the family home' and told him to 'come and get his stuff,' which his family threw all over the lawn while screaming at him that he was going to go to 'burn in hell.' Someone helped him pick up his things and hauled him down to St. George for the night, where he had found a temporary place to stay." This is just one example of hundreds of similar stories I've heard or participated in over the course of my investigations. Unconventional - yet somehow relatable?
When I arrived home one evening a few weeks ago, I hurriedly turned on the television, hoping to catch a news story concerning a case I was working on. It involved a client that had recently been banished from his home, family, community and lost his livelihood, all at the behest of FLDS prophet Warren Jeffs - my client's brother. No reason was given -- but the worth of young girls is greater than a truck load of gold and are the most sought after prize. My banished client was scared to death that his brother Warren, who is awaiting child rape charges in Texas, and who has in excess of eighty wives himself, would dole out my client's daughters as underage brides to other polygamous church leaders, and quite possibly assimilate some of my client's family into Jeffs's own. So, he made the unconventional decision to sue to try and recover his children and wife before it was too late.
The anticipated newscast ended, but then it happened! There he was again -- Kody Brown. Mouthing off about his lot in life, having to endure the self-imposed public criminal lifestyle that he had chosen not only for himself, but for his family as well. And how it was his God-given right to break the law and live his life in pursuit of his own personal values, "even if those values run counter to those of the majority of the state." Using that logic, there would be no boundaries as long as one made the claim that whatever criminal activity one chose to participate in was part of religious beliefs. Here I was still wringing my hands, worried about my client's children, and on comes this self-absorbed, circus ring leader, whining about whether or not he is going to have to move to Nevada to avoid arrest as a polygamist.
Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, appearing on my TV set was Brown's attorney, Jonathan Turley, making one of the most absurd statements I have ever heard come from the mouth of a supposedly educated man. "This really isn't a polygamy case," he said. "It's a privacy case. It's about the right of consenting adults to have their own families committed to their own values." I couldn't believe it! This drivel coming from a man who is representing a family who goes on television for the express purpose of exposing the intimate details of their lives to the entire world; and this lawsuit is about privacy?
I work for attorneys on a daily basis, they're my bread and butter, and I've seen all kinds, good and bad. I know when an attorney has accepted a load of crap from his client and takes on the job of convincing a court of law that the crap he's shoveling doesn't stink, that it's actually aromatic. The federal lawsuit he proposed, challenging the polygamy provision in Utah's constitution, could have been filed anywhere, since polygamy is outlawed in all fifty states. But since the Browns were now Nevada residents, and polygamy is also illegal in Nevada, why bring the suit to Utah? Could it be that Turley was orchestrating a dog and pony show, planned and staged more for his own self-aggrandizement and for the show's ratings, than to help these poor victims of a lifestyle they purportedly went into with their eyes wide open? Is this case part of a tax break for his pro bono obligation to the DC Bar, or are the costs and expenses of the Brown case coming out of his advertising and marketing budget? Or, perhaps the producers of the "Sister Wives" reality show would have us all believe that all this public drama is part of a necessary and unscripted event to protect the Browns constitutional rights, as opposed to the show's television ratings.
Perhaps Kody Brown and his family, and for that matter the entire cult he adheres to, are otherwise completely benign, law-abiding citizens. I don't really know enough about their present circumstances to make that call. But I do know where their group came from. Their leadership sprang from the same roots as the FLDS church. In the polygamous cultures I have learned about and witnessed, there is a volatile mix of religious extremism and blind obedience and one of the components that propagates the secrecy and need for "privacy" is polygamy. When most legitimate religious groups are eager to reach out and share the ideas and beliefs they hold dear, the Browns have been hesitant to even mention just exactly what religious group they're a part of. And when people like the Browns attempt to legitimize, and glamorize their illegal lifestyle by staging a very public piece of entertainment, it sends chills down my spine. And rightly so; I hope many more will share my response after taking the time to educate themselves and learn about the child abuse that is a part of many polygamous cultures.
Despite the recent well-publicized and deeply disturbing child molestation trial of self-proclaimed polygamist prophet Warren Jeffs, TV reality show polygamist Kody Brown and his trendy wives and family seem to be everywhere these days. Their TV show, "Sister Wives," is a big hit. They are constantly sought after for interviews and talk show fodder, and are even up for an Emmy nomination. It seems like every time I turn on the television I am seeing or hearing stories about their "...unconventional -- yet somehow relatable family." Unfortunately, that type of terminology, which is doled out in heaping portions by the media, has a dramatically different meaning for me than for others who seem to have been smitten by the show.
For more than seven years, as a private investigator I have been investigating and researching similar polygamous societies, but mainly the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (FLDS) and its outlaw prophet, Warren Jeffs, who is now serving a sentence of life plus twenty years in a Texas prison. With respect to the polygamous cultures that I have been dealing with over the years, that type of unschooled and reckless terminology makes me recoil. I can only hope and pray that the depravity of child abuse and the degradation of women and children to the status of chattel will never be thought of in such a callous manner as simply- unconventional yet relatable.
In my world, unconventional doesn't mean four mommies showing up for back-to-school night; the FLDS do not send their kids to public schools. If they're lucky, the children may receive the equivalent of an eighth grade education before being sent out to work on a construction job, or to become mothers themselves. Admittance into the bride pool can begin within a few weeks after a child's twelfth birthday. "Mother" is the person who raises and nurtures you as a "daughter in Zion" over the course of those short formative years. She then takes you by the hand and places it in the hand of a man decades older, in an arranged "spiritual sexual union," alongside that man's several or many other "sister wives." That's what I call unconventional!
And it's not just the girls and women who are victims of these polygamous practices. Think about the math. The normal male to female ratio in any given population is approximately 50/50, including polygamous societies. So if a family's religious ambition is to gain as many wives as possible, what is to become of the leftover male population? Kody Brown has four wives, but many men have eight, ten, twenty, even more than eighty wives. The more wives a man is able to acquire, the higher his religious standing in the polygamous caste system. So what happens to those boys?
One way or another, they're discarded and cast out. Abandoned by their families, cut off without contact and forcibly ejected. One of the earliest FLDS cases I worked on involved many of these "lost boys." It's heartbreaking. Just a few weeks ago, at Cottonwood Park in Hildale, Utah, a fifteen-year-old boy crashed the party of a group celebrating the Fourth of July. The partiers were a handful of former FLDS members who had had the good fortune to break the strangle hold of the unconventional culture they had been brought up and indoctrinated in. In an act of desperation, the boy approached the group of strangers and pleaded for help. The picnickers reported the sad events surrounding the boy's story: "His dad told him that he was 'no longer welcome at the family home' and told him to 'come and get his stuff,' which his family threw all over the lawn while screaming at him that he was going to go to 'burn in hell.' Someone helped him pick up his things and hauled him down to St. George for the night, where he had found a temporary place to stay." This is just one example of hundreds of similar stories I've heard or participated in over the course of my investigations. Unconventional - yet somehow relatable?
When I arrived home one evening a few weeks ago, I hurriedly turned on the television, hoping to catch a news story concerning a case I was working on. It involved a client that had recently been banished from his home, family, community and lost his livelihood, all at the behest of FLDS prophet Warren Jeffs - my client's brother. No reason was given -- but the worth of young girls is greater than a truck load of gold and are the most sought after prize. My banished client was scared to death that his brother Warren, who is awaiting child rape charges in Texas, and who has in excess of eighty wives himself, would dole out my client's daughters as underage brides to other polygamous church leaders, and quite possibly assimilate some of my client's family into Jeffs's own. So, he made the unconventional decision to sue to try and recover his children and wife before it was too late.
The anticipated newscast ended, but then it happened! There he was again -- Kody Brown. Mouthing off about his lot in life, having to endure the self-imposed public criminal lifestyle that he had chosen not only for himself, but for his family as well. And how it was his God-given right to break the law and live his life in pursuit of his own personal values, "even if those values run counter to those of the majority of the state." Using that logic, there would be no boundaries as long as one made the claim that whatever criminal activity one chose to participate in was part of religious beliefs. Here I was still wringing my hands, worried about my client's children, and on comes this self-absorbed, circus ring leader, whining about whether or not he is going to have to move to Nevada to avoid arrest as a polygamist. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, appearing on my TV set was Brown's attorney, Jonathan Turley, making one of the most absurd statements I have ever heard come from the mouth of a supposedly educated man. "This really isn't a polygamy case," he said. "It's a privacy case. It's about the right of consenting adults to have their own families committed to their own values." I couldn't believe it! This drivel coming from a man who is representing a family who goes on television for the express purpose of exposing the intimate details of their lives to the entire world; and this lawsuit is about privacy?
I work for attorneys on a daily basis, they're my bread and butter, and I've seen all kinds, good and bad. I know when an attorney has accepted a load of crap from his client and takes on the job of convincing a court of law that the crap he's shoveling doesn't stink, that it's actually aromatic. The federal lawsuit he proposed, challenging the polygamy provision in Utah's constitution, could have been filed anywhere, since polygamy is outlawed in all fifty states. But since the Browns were now Nevada residents, and polygamy is also illegal in Nevada, why bring the suit to Utah? Could it be that Turley was orchestrating a dog and pony show, planned and staged more for his own self-aggrandizement and for the show's ratings, than to help these poor victims of a lifestyle they purportedly went into with their eyes wide open? Is this case part of a tax break for his pro bono obligation to the DC Bar, or are the costs and expenses of the Brown case coming out of his advertising and marketing budget? Or, perhaps the producers of the "Sister Wives" reality show would have us all believe that all this public drama is part of a necessary and unscripted event to protect the Browns constitutional rights, as opposed to the show's television ratings.
Perhaps Kody Brown and his family, and for that matter the entire cult he adheres to, are otherwise completely benign, law-abiding citizens. I don't really know enough about their present circumstances to make that call. But I do know where their group came from. Their leadership sprang from the same roots as the FLDS church. In the polygamous cultures I have learned about and witnessed, there is a volatile mix of religious extremism and blind obedience and one of the components that propagates the secrecy and need for "privacy" is polygamy. When most legitimate religious groups are eager to reach out and share the ideas and beliefs they hold dear, the Browns have been hesitant to even mention just exactly what religious group they're a part of. And when people like the Browns attempt to legitimize, and glamorize their illegal lifestyle by staging a very public piece of entertainment, it sends chills down my spine. And rightly so; I hope many more will share my response after taking the time to educate themselves and learn about the child abuse that is a part of many polygamous cultures. Sam Brower is the author of the new book "Prophet's Prey: My Seven-Year Investigation into Warren Jeffs and the Fundamentalist Church of Latter-Day Saints."
I have to think that there are some gay-marriage advocates who are not pleased with Kody Brown’s decision to appeal Utah’s anti-polygamy statute. As Jonathan Turley, who is representing Brown, writes in a recent New York Times op-ed,
In his dissent in Lawrence [v. Texas], Justice Antonin Scalia said the case would mean the legalization of “bigamy, same-sex marriage, adult incest, prostitution, masturbation, adultery, fornication, bestiality and obscenity.” Justice Scalia is right in one respect, though not intentionally. Homosexuals and polygamists do have a common interest: the right to be left alone as consenting adults.
I am one of those who has written about the deeply harmful effects of polygamy, particularly when it is rampant in a community, as it is in many places in Utah and New Mexico, among other states. I have written (in The Wall Street Journal, The Los Angeles Times and The Dallas Morning News) about the girls who are prevented from getting an education, the boys who are forced to leave their communities (lest they provide competition for the older men), the physical abuse, the sexual abuse, and all of the other criminal problems that come in polygamous communities. I also commend a recent piece by Brown University’s Rose McDermott in The Wall Street Journal about all of the problems that come with polygamy (she has done an international study of the problem). I’ve also talked about why it’s not feasible to simply prosecute the crimes as they occur, rather than prosecuting polygamy. (Hint: No one in these communities wants to report crimes because of the consequences they would face.)
But I’ll put that all aside for a minute and just add that I have watched Sister Wives a few times and each time I turn it off, cringing. It’s not because I find polygamy morally reprehensible, though I do. It’s because I feel sorry for these women. These episodes where Mr. Brown and his four wives are sitting on a couch seems like an attempt to show everything is fine and their family is perfectly normal. But then one of the wives starts complaining and then crying about how he is spending too much time with the other, that he finds the other more attractive, that he is spending more nights with the newer wife or whatever. It’s so degrading—even by the standards of reality TV. What are these women doing, sharing their beds with each other? I feel like playing some feminist anthem for them. And Kody Brown? A slick guy who just can’t wipe the smirk off his face. And why should he? He’s got everyone fooled.
Gay marriage has won the day with so much of the American public, I think, because gay couples look like the rest of America. I don’t think polygamists have the same advantage in their fight. And I have a hard time imagining they ever will.
MS Note - I have to agree it's a totally different arena. An example, here's my favorite couple from the Modern Family,Mitchell and Cameron.
They are the loving, kind, and treat each other better than many married couples.
And, what a HOOT! Fisbo, you rock!!
They don't believe in the Book of Mormon, and who's to say, their sins are any worse than ours? Only God is to judge that. Don't think they are worrying about any planets!hee hee
If you refer back to my July 18th post, The Browns have said OVER AND OVER in the NEWS, PRINT, and on TV shows that they moved for Business Ventures, that Kody and the wives decided to move long before they did.
HOWEVER, after spending days pouring over Season 2, reminding myself how much I liked the Browns, but felt it hokey how they ran with a bunch of bad tires (again) (remember the trip to MT?) I've put together a few quotes and pictures from the show. So, did they move out of fear?
I started this blog because I liked the show. I liked the family, and probably sympathized with Meri. I don't pretend to agree with everything, but, the family seemed nice. Janelle has said on numerous occasions that she wished people would just ask HER the questions instead of talk about or around them.
Its ridiculous how many times you all said the terms police, investigation, fear, prosecution, the only way to keep the family together was to move, remind us of the raid of 1954, on and on. Rulon’s family was broken up and never got to see each other again… (is that even that true?)
WHY would you lead your viewers down such a empathy, sad filled, tear jerking path... when Christine so often tells us that you just want to show us what is real?? Was it a pre-planned ploy before this next legal move? Sympathy? What? You have confused the very people that keep you on the air, your viewers. A simple explanation would be nice.
SO WHAT WAS THE MOVE FOR, BUSINESS OR THE FEAR? You and TLC, we learned later had talked to the Attorney General’s Office, and they had told you no, they wouldn’t prosecute. Christine knows all of them well from all her AUB, Principal Voices, and Safety Network. We’ve now seen Kody in a video talking to the Attorney General at a Polygamy Summit. Sadly, however, I pray the kids were acting too, because if you fooled them for TV tears, shame on you.
WE WANT THE TRUTH, TELL US, FEAR OR FORTUNE? Remember Christine telling us she wanted us to see what was real. Show us REAL. Be Brave. Don't become a sitcom. We will like you all the more for it, it would show true character.
My Accumulation of Season 2, What I call, “Fear Fest” I apologize for the lack of form here, I meant to go through inch by inch, but it just took too much time. I think you all can remember and get the drift....
DRAMATIC BLACK SCREEN! Let me remind you, Christine’s exact words were… she wanted to be arrested, “bring it on.” The AUB conference in 2008.
How many times did we see the Lehi police cars? 20 - 30?
(Remember the girls walking to the gas station, where they called Christine in fear Ep10); In the scene, CHRISTINE fills us in on a little story about the picture above.….
“ASPYN texted today, she and MADISON were walking to the gas station, and I can hear Madison yelling, freaking out, going, there’s a sheriff, that’s been driving up and down our road.” (How can you text and hear? Anyway…)
*Christine Dramatically tells us “ That right there is why were moving. That right there.”
Does that not implicate they are moving for fear of prosecution?
*We were told, at least 15 times “When they prosecute the family, they break up the family”.
*Kody is under so much stress… heard that a bunch…..
*They had to pack p the kids and go to a cottage for Christmas, no easy undertaking ….”Leaving where there are no phones… under so much stress.”
* How many scenes were the Policeman in the driveway scaring them.?
Kody, Tearfully, “How do I protect my family?”
Robyn, “All the fear just makes you all on edge, all the more…”
Police siren goes by, be getting paranoid, we’re leaving under duress. Kody
*Remember Robyn saying she actually got mad at God? “Why are you letting this happen to us – god?” Please quit the persecution complex!
Janelle, even! That’s what got us, Janelle! We love Janelle! “I had the fear get to me, the children, our”… she has to stop WHEN have we seen Janelle cry?
Kody “Janelle’s scared to get a big truck because it will change the dynamic, the sheriff is dumb tapping his breaks, not because of the of the dogs, but because in Janelle’s head, there after us”.
“Police driving by again, see the trailer”
Christine, “We’re making decisions based on fear.”
Janelle, “I’m really concerned the sheriff and the Lehi police have been by.”
Christine… “The reason we decided to do this because we didn’t want our kids to live in fear like we lived in fear. And now, if we stay, we get broken up, and they raise their kids in fear. Just like we were raised in fear”.
And.......
Meri screaming “hurry up hurry up!” Police sirens wailing… they are all looking… THE DRAMA!
And the sobbing kids. I mean, if this didn’t get you up, nothing would. It tore me up to see them hurt. They fear their dad is going to jail, and according to what they’ve been told, they would never get to see each other again….
And Garrison, oh my, listen, I have several children. And if I saw one of my boys that tore up, I would of grabbed them right off that stage and said we're done! Do you think these poor children could act that? I don't.
The emotion is those kids were so REAL. I wonder how they felt when they heard…Oh, Kody wanted to move for years! I felt so sorry for them. Since many were starting their first year of regular school, only to be moved again 2nd semester. And Dayton, 4 moves, before this, geez. I could go on and on and on, but you remember. The Season was about fear and prosecution. Leaving Utah out of Fear.
Logan – “The scare factor, why are we moving, if we don’t, they could potentially split us up, which says, you have no choice but to move.”
Kody tells Christine she has a choice in moving. ROBYN, she has a choice just like all of us.
Maddie – “There’s the potential our dad could go to jail and our family split up.”
Aspyn - “We want to stay together.”
Logan – “The scare factor, why are we moving, if we don’t, they could potentially split us up, which says, you have no choice but to move.”
Kody tells Christine she has a choice in moving. ROBYN, she has a choice just like all of us.
Maddie – “There’s the potential our dad could go to jail and our family split up.”
Aspyn - “We want to stay together.”
Kody,”Inspite of the collateral damage, the kids, $$, he feels he knows what needs to happen”
Janelle says, “I don’t”
A scene where Christine sad, “I thought you wanted to move all along. Others stay still, Robyn and Meri shaking heads no. And you are excited to move and you don’t want to do this anymore?”
Kody “I ‘m doing that for the sake of leadership. If I don’t go optimistically, then”
Christine, “I didn’t know you didn’t want to move, and we’re just being optimistic.”
Hunter – “Stay, get separated, go away, stay together.”
“The main reason we’re moving to Vegas is to preserve our family” – KODY
“I don’t feel like this is what we’re supposed to do” – Christine.
Christine and Kody argue over it. It’s going to tear our family apart
KODY “Nobody wants to do it, everybody just sees the need to do it.”
And then there's the saddest one of all........
OOPS, I mean the happiest, he wanted to move for years! Which is it? Why the move?
Just re watch the first 40 seconds of this interview after looking at all these pictures and quotes. WHAT DO YOU THINK?
