REVIEW!! S03E07: July 4th Rebellion

Cue the ominous music - Sister Wives is about to begin! You would think after three seasons I would know not to get too excited. But I always do. Major fail for me.

As Kody intones "Vegas is really hot on the 4th of July", we see Christine marshaling her brood outside to test just how hot it really is. Now as anyone who lives in a hot climate knows - we have to put up with all sorts of questions of just how hot it is. For example, if we say it was 118 degrees yesterday, invariably someone will wisecrack "But I bet it was a dry heat!" Or sometimes, people want to know how it feels to be so hot outside - and I tell them to turn their oven on 500 degrees. Wait a few minutes, then stick their head into the oven. THAT's how hot it feels.

But the proverbial "it's so hot you can fry an egg on the sidewalk", there is a defined way to go about that demonstration. Unfortunately, Christine's was not the way.

First, you put the egg directly on the sidewalk, not in a frying pan. And actually, I've heard opening the egg on the actual street tarmac is best because dark colored items retains heat better. Second, it has to be during the heat of the day, and trust me, if it were hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk, you would not want to be outside, anyway. That's why air conditioning was invented. Third, if we are to believe the temperature shown on the thermometer, 98 degrees is simply not hot enough for this experiment to succeed. Major fail Christine.

I'm thinking, if this is any indication of what this episode is going to be like, this is going to be an excruciating half hour.

As Kody continues, the heat is "...just o' pressive. So we're gathering the family. We're gonna get out of this heat...we're hitting Big Bear Lake in California!"

What is it about Kody that he always needs to be running away from something? He ran away from the "o' pressive" law enforcement in Utah. Now he's running away from the "o' pressive" heat in Nevada.

Kody, it's beginning to look like a pattern.

But first, we find out Christine's eight year old daughter Ysabel is moving in with Meri. Yep, seems like one the "perks" of polygamy is you can farm off your kid to another sisterwife. Of course, Christine gives the reason as Ysabel just doesn't respect her. And Shit for Brains (SfB) Kody thinks "its the funniest thing..." that Ysabel doesn't respect her mother. Thank goodness Christine did interrupt SfB Kody by saying "IT IS NOT THE FUNNIEST THING!"

So Christine, whose idea was it for Ysabel to move in with Meri?" Oh really, it was SfB Kody's , huh? And you listened. Wow. Christine, who's older, you or the eight year old? Major fail #2, Christine.

And I will choose to ignore your statement that maybe Ysabel was meant to be Meri's child not yours. On second thought, I can't ignore it. Major fail #3 Christine.

Shut up, SHUT UP SHUT UP ROBYN!! Dear Lord, that woman is insufferable! Blah blah blah...why don't we call them BONUS CHILDREN when Kody says "there is technically not a coined term for another mother's children." I rather like Meri's short response "I always refer to them as my kids". 'Nuff said. Now get back on your broomstick and fly away, Robyn! And take SfB Kody with ya!

 Robyn lays out her evil plan to prevent Meri from having to suffer empty nest syndrome by having her daughter Breanna move in with Meri, too. Holy cow. Meri, run away now! Because if you don't, YOU will be taking care of Kody's and Robyn's BONUS CHILDREN. Run like the wind and don't look back!

 Meri's most memorable words this episode (and probably this season) were spoken to the camera..."Do you like how they're talking about me like I'm not even here?". No Meri, we don't like it at all. Major fail #1 for not standing up for yourself.

  
Good gracious, when is the road trip going to start? We're only ten minutes into this episode and it seems like it has been on for hours. I want to see tires blowing, engines blowing and Kody leading the pack in his "old" $60K (when new) Lexus sportscar. Haha, SfB Kody makes a funny and calls his sports car his 5th wife. I guess he's relegated his hair to 6th wife status.

Did I tell ya'll that when I was in 5th grade, my Girl Scout troop camped out at Big Bear? And I got my camping badge? And that I hated EVERY SINGLE SECOND including the campfire which the troop leader had to put out because the forest ranger told her there was a fire warning and only fires for cooking were being allowed and the forced hike we had to make the next day.

 I can really relate to the teenagers - I mean, they aren't even getting a badge out of this torture, so what's the point?


Is there a Stupid Motorist Law in Big Bear? They need one, cause driving those cars into water like that was just plain stupid. And who takes a damn sports car on a camping trip, anyway?

Why didn't Janelle put the plate down and just drive Hunter et al to the lake so they could fish instead of making him wait? What was the point?

Logan doesn't like being called Johnny Appleseed

And Hunter calling Logan a Johnny Appleseed. Is this how the teenagers of polygamist fight? Your mother smells of elderberries and wears army boots! Take that!

Breanna crying...Again

Good grief Breanna. Come on, we all know you take after your mother, who can cry at the drop of a hat. Well, pretend cry.

Who can forget this child boohooing last season because someone pulled her hair? This episode it's someone hitting her in the eye. Next week it'll be someone stepping on her foot. Whatever.

Nice show of support by the sisterwives for Meri actually doing what a parent should do - discipline their children. I expect inaction from Robyn and Kody - but Christine and Janelle? Major fails for Christine and Janelle. Christine you are now on probation.

For those of you wondering why I haven't given any major fails to Robyn and SfB Kody. It's simple. They failed the program a long time ago.

Robyn, no one believes your fake crying anymore. Yeah, like you are so worried your children will want to leave you. The only saving grace is we see Robyn make yet another face, one that will cement her position as the sister wife most likely to look like a witch when she grows older. Wow, sometimes words just can't describe....

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